


My Heart and Hands are Tied

by skittyTail



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Childhood Sweethearts, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Nostalgia, Pining, Post-Blue Lions Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Romance, eventual angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 01:08:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21667399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittyTail/pseuds/skittyTail
Summary: King Dimitri pays a visit to an old ally to commission a portrait from his painter-knight at the request of his friends. During the visit, Lorenz realizes that the feelings he used to have for Dedue are still very real. At first, he's put off by it, but what's one return to an old school fling? Surely it can just be something they can entertain themselves with while Dimitri and Ignatz are deep in the painting process.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Ignatz Victor, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester & Ignatz Victor, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Dedue Molinaro, Marianne von Edmund & Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in rarepair hell now and I intend to make CONTENT while I'm in it. The timeline here is a modified Blue Lions timeline, in which Lorenz was recruited into the BL during school times and later followed through on the offers he made in his supports with Ignatz, employing him as a knight for house Gloucester who makes paintings on the side. I look forward to posting the next chapter and hope y'all like it!!

“Well, I think this is a fine idea, your majesty,” Lorenz declared, brandishing his tea cup.

“Please, just Dimitri, like always.” 

“Yes, of course. I do need to say, however, that it’s quite unusual for you to ask for something like this.” Lorenz scanned the room, meeting the gazes of his friends in turn. At the pristine low tea table sat he, Ignatz, Dedue, and Dimitri. “You just about the least showy king I’ve ever heard of.”

Dimitri looked down into his tea. “Well, I won’t disagree with you on that. To tell the truth, it was a collective effort to convince me to do this.” He leaned back in his seat with a wistful look in his eye. “Annette was insistent on me taking a vacation of some kind. There was quite a lot of discussion--”

“Bickering,” Dedue cut in, somehow making the jab sound incredibly polite.

“Yes, I’ll admit. I had to be yelled at quite a bit by everyone before we settled on this trip.” Dimitri chuckled, and all at the table followed suit. Despite his casual demeanor, he had a presence about him that controlled the attention of everyone around him. “I only agreed because it was the only idea that didn’t seem like a complete waste of time.”

Dedue crossed his arms and nodded soberly. “I recall Sylvain was the one who thought of it.” 

“Honestly, we all sort of laughed at him at first.” Dimitri took a sip from his tea, the little floral cup almost comically small against his imposing, fur-laden form. “‘Paint a portrait?’ It seemed like lunacy. But, after some more discussion, er,  _ bickering,  _ it came to our minds how odd it would be for there to be absolutely no images of me left behind.” He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. “Annette was, uh, quite upset by the idea of our potential grandchildren not knowing what I looked like.”

A quiet settled in the room as everyone soaked in Dimitri’s words. The gentle clinking of ceramic as teacups were lifted and lowered resonated in the high-ceilinged sitting room of the Gloucester home. Lorenz found himself trying to focus on keeping a friendly atmosphere so that the stress of hosting for the king didn’t completely overwhelm him. When faced with Dimitri and Dedue, he felt quite small next to his little green knight. 

Ignatz piped up after a bit, “Well, if there’s any time to have a portrait done, it might as well be now.” He grinned as he looked between the guests. “If you ask me, I’d say you look more like yourself now than you have in years, Dimitri.” 

Lorenz had to resist the urge to laugh too hard at Ignatz’s comment. He was right, but the fact that he was  _ so incredibly right  _ was amusing to Lorenz. “I suppose it looks like you’ll always be donning the, er, scruffy look, hm?” 

“What exactly does that mean,” Dedue questioned, his eyes shooting a hole straight through Lorenz.

It took Lorenz’s full willpower to hold steady eye contact with Dedue’s powerful stare. “It means nothing,” he said, shrilly. “I am simply  _ observing. _ Now, down, boy.” Lorenz instantly regretted that last comment when Dedue’s glare intensified. “I’d forgotten how  _ frightening _ you were,” Lorenz said under his breath, struggling to calm his frantic heartbeat. It had been a long time since Lorenz had had a taste of that intimidation.

Dimitri charged right on with conversation, not even acknowledging the tension in the air. “Ah, well, are you saying that the beard isn’t working?” He scratched at his face, smiling awkwardly. Relief flooded Lorenz’s chest as Dedue turned away from him to look at his king.

“Worry not, Dimitri. I think it’s becoming of you.” Dedue set a hand on Dimitri’s shoulder.

“It really is,” Ignatz remarked. “Don’t listen to Lorenz; you look fantastic. I especially like the new eyepatch.”

The smile on Dimitri’s face shifted from uncomfortable to genuinely pleased. “Thank you, Ignatz. It was a gift from Mercedes. I’m quite fond of her needlework.” He brushed his hair out of his face to show off the fancy design of golden hummingbirds against a navy cloth.

Lorenz found himself legitimately stunned. “That  _ is  _ quite beautiful,” he praised. “I honestly had not noticed it; my gratitude to Ignatz’s keen artistic eye for seeing that.” 

A tiny chuckle came from Dedue, grabbing Lorenz’s attention away from the threaded artistry. “Hmph, good to know you’re still capable of giving compliments that aren’t backhanded.” 

Lorenz sighed and placed a hand to his chest theatrically. “Oh, you wound me, Dedue. You’ve heard plenty a genuine compliment from me before.”

“Have I?” Dedue downed the remains of his tea cup and set his hands down on the table. “I am having trouble recalling.”

Lorenz huffed and pointed his nose in the air. “Must I jog your memory of every time you have shared your tea with me? I have sung the praises of your blends to the heavens and back, if you  _ recall _ .”

Dedue’s eyebrows lowered, casting a shadow over his already fierce eyes. “Hm. Would you say that those blends are better than your own?”

“Hm, well. Ah…”

Silence fell over the room, thick and oppressive. A tiny, worried “Oh, no,” came from Ignatz. But Lorenz couldn’t hold back. 

“It would simply be  _ unbecoming _ of me,” Lorenz crooned. “To admit that such a blend,  _ however delicious, _ could possibly compare to the subtle flavors of house Gloucester.”

“Lorenz, my lily-white friend,” Dedue’s voice was chillingly steady. “I don’t believe the Gloucester family knows about flavors that aren’t floral.”

“Well we cannot all spend our whole lives singing the praises of cinnamon, as if it can do no wrong.” Lorenz crossed his arms haughtily. “Do not be hurt that we have far more attractive plants to use for our tea.”

“It doesn’t matter how it looks if you are already drinking it.”

The scrape of wood on tile pierced the air as Lorenz stood from his chair. “Of course it matters! Whatever plant you choose to grow for your tea will inevitably fill your gardens, so beauty is an important factor!” 

Dedue rose in turn, causing a gust that lifted the tufts of fur on Dimitri’s cloak. Dimitri sat perfectly still next to him. “All of the plants I tend to are beautiful. Your eyes are just clouded with grandeur.” 

“Well perhaps if you unclogged your  _ nose, _ you would be able to appreciate the fine aromas that make my family’s tea so good!” 

“I appreciate them plenty,” Dedue decried. “I just don’t agree that they’re the best in the world.”

Lorenz burned under his collar. “I can’t believe you are still such a philistine!”

“And you are pompous as ever,” Dedue said. His eyes softened into a look that made Lorenz feel more scared than his glare had. “I should have known you would never stop being peculiar.” 

The pause that rose between Lorenz and Dedue was only a half second long, but Ignatz was quick to steal it. “So,” he said, loudly enough to catch Lorenz’s attention away from his adversary. “How have things been at home, Dimitri?” 

Lorenz suddenly became acutely aware of his repugnant manners. The back of his neck flared with the heat of embarrassment as he sunk into his seat and smoothed his clothes. It had been a long time since he’d gotten so worked up. Lorenz made a point to avoid meeting Dedue’s gaze as the group settled back into their pleasant attitudes.

“Well, thank you for asking, Ignatz.” Dimitri cleared his throat. “Things are well. Obviously, affairs are calm enough that I can partake in this visit.” He breathed and pushed his hair out of his face. “Annette is in good health.” 

“Ah, the queen, yes? I often forget that you are wed.” Lorenz tried to settle himself back into his polite conversation mindset, but something about the argument with Dedue had shifted the mood too much. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t hold himself back from commenting, “you know, I had always figured that you were going to end up marrying Dedue. What with the whole inseparable bond and all.” 

A shockingly hearty laugh erupted from Dimitri. “I can see why you would think that, but that could never happen.” He wiped a tear from his eye, still chuckling a bit. “Dedue doesn’t even like men.”

Lorenz’s eyebrows shot so high they just about pierced the ceiling. “Oh, is that so?” He blinked pointedly at Dedue, who was shrinking into his shoulders. “I could have  _ sworn _ I had heard some evidence to the contrary. I apologize  _ deeply _ for the assumption.”

This time, it was Lorenz who was menacing Dedue. He peered intensely enough at Dedue to shoot beams right out of his eyes at the man as he tried to look anywhere but at Lorenz. Dedue mumbled out a clear attempt to allow the conversation to move past the subject: “it’s fine. A simple mistake. No ill will.” 

“It’s just as well,” Lorenz said. “I am still surprised by how hastily you were wed, Dimitri. I do suppose that the pressure to bear heirs is even greater in you than it is in us nobles. I understand.” Lorenz bit his lip at that comment. The strange atmosphere was putting him in such an impolite mood; he knew that projecting like that onto Dimitri was a step too far.

“Pressure indeed.” Dimitri’s positive demeanor put Lorenz at ease. He found it funny that the king, of all people, was one of the most forgiving guests he’s ever had. “Though, I’d say most of that pressure is from Annette herself. Ashe’s little ones have been running around the castle and she’s just obsessed with them. Perhaps we’ll need to do a family portrait soon enough.” 

Ignatz beamed at that. “In that case, we ought to get done soon so you can get back to Annette!” He rose from his seat and nodded to Lorenz, then dipped a tiny bow towards Dimitri. “If I may, I’d like to discuss the costs for pigments and framing with you, Dimitri. I’ll show you the supplies I have on hand.” 

“That sounds perfect.” Dimitri stood at his full height, his furs making him fill the space of the room quite thoroughly. “Dedue, Lorenz, you two can entertain yourselves, correct? If not, this might be an awfully boring week for you.” 

“I’ll make do,” Dedue responded, still a little slouched from earlier.

“We certainly will,” Lorenz added. He gave a nod to Dimitri. “Let me know if you need any further help from me.”

“Of course.” Dimitri motioned for Ignatz to follow as he left the room, and Ignatz gladly scurried to meet him, chittering excitedly about the paints that he intended to use.

The sitting room was left eerily silent. Lorenz folded his hands on the table and tried to catch Dedue’s wandering eye. Lorenz tried not to put a heap of contempt into his words as he spoke. “Should I make more tea?” His voice echoed into what felt like an uncaring void. 

Dedue twisted his fingers in his scarf. “I do not want to talk about it.”

Lorenz pursed his lips. “About the tea? Pity, I was going to let you choose what kind we would have.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“I know. But I suppose I cannot make any assumptions about you now.” Lorenz stood from his seat and adjusted his robes. “I thought you had hardly changed over the years, but I guess you decided to become dishonest since we last met.” Lorenz spun to leave, chin pointed to the sky, fists clenched tightly. He was halfway through the doorway when he felt a hand firmly yank his arm back. He stopped his pace, but didn’t turn to look at Dedue.

“I apologize.” Dedue’s voice was weary. “It was something I told Dimitri long ago.”

Lorenz swallowed the tension in his throat. “Why did you tell him that?” He found himself looking down at his feet, more saddened by this conversation than he wanted to be.

“It was… easier than telling him how I felt.” Dedue stepped in front of Lorenz, letting go of his arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you still felt--”

Lorenz scoffed loudly. “I don’t, of course! That’s not what this is about.” He found himself giggling like a madman between sentences. “This has nothing to do with some… some childhood crush. I just do not appreciate your willingness to lie about who you are.” 

“I am sorry.” 

Lorenz sucked in a breath and squared his shoulders. “It is… fine. I just ask that you tell Dimitri at some point. Please. It is unbecoming of you to be deceitful.” 

Dedue responded with a tiny nod. “I will try.”

Lorenz sighed. “I suppose that will have to do. Now, I must see to some errands around the keep. We shall meet at the drafting room in, say, three hours? I expect that is when Ignatz and Dimitri will be there.” 

Dedue shuffled his feet. “I do not know where that is.” 

“Ah, do you not recall this place? Very well, then, I’ll provide a tour while I go about my errands. Come on, keep up.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorenz takes time to show Dedue to everyone in the keep, while wearing a salmon suit. The afternoon finishes with a visit to Lorenz's garden, and some reminiscing.

Lorenz kicked off with a hasty pace, leaving Dedue with a view of his decorated violet rear as he led the way through the stone hallways of Gloucester keep. The architecture reminded Dedue of the castle back in Fhirdiad, if a bit smaller, and with the royal blue decor replaced with heavily floral themes. Dedue couldn’t help thinking that it looked like Lorenz’s fashion sense had taken the form of a great purple clown and vomited all over the walls.

Lorenz peeked over his shoulder as he strutted forth, his purple locks swishing around to create a frame for his fine face. “You are keeping up, yes? I would be devastated if you were to get lost.” 

Dedue met his eyes steadily. “Worry not. I am right behind you.”

“Well, you are more than welcome to walk _alongside_ me, you know.” Lorenz flashed a grin and flipped his hair. An infuriating sight. “Though I could see why you might enjoy your view.” The words were even more infuriating than his face.

“I am content with following.” Dedue kept his pace steady, hands clasped behind his back. He saw no need to place himself even closer to Lorenz. In fact, he was plenty close to be engulfed by Lorenz’s rosy perfume.

“Suit yourself, then,” Lorenz hummed. 

As the two walked, the dim hallways gave way to a wide open walkway that bridged the space between two of the biggest facades of Gloucester keep. On either side, the keep was hugged by the thick deciduous forests of the Leicester territory. Dedue found that the horizons were much more inviting than the pine trees and taigas of Faerghus. Though, he supposed that this was now technically a part of Faerghus, as well. The concept was still setting in, even a couple of years after the war’s end. When the fighting finished, the Gloucester house was one of the only families that had been allied with the empire that came out with a better standing. Due to Lorenz’s loyalty to Dimitri, he was given a wider territory to control once he took the place of his late father. Judging by Lorenz’s confident demeanor, he had taken gladly to the high position. 

The clanking of metal on stone sounded as a couple of guards stomped across the bridge, opposite Lorenz and Dedue. They nodded respectfully at Lorenz as they passed, put there was no subtlety to their shift into a tighter expression as their eyes crossed over Dedue. Their mutterings carried on the wind from behind once they walked past: “who is _that?_ ” “Why would Lorenz be associating with someone like _him?”_ Dedue clenched his jaw and fixed his gaze straight forward. If Lorenz heard the guards, he didn’t let on in any way. 

As Lorenz and Dedue crossed through the tall maw that marked the transition from outdoors back into the keep, Dedue blinked to adjust his eyes to the dimmer light. This section of the keep was more populated, with quite a number of various noblemen mingling about the hallways. Dedue tried not to make eye contact with any of them. Instead, his eyes stayed fixed on Lorenz’s head, a bobbing purple shape that was the only thing he felt safe looking at at this point. Many small acknowledgements flitted between Lorenz and those that he passed, filling the echoing hall with the sound of niceties. By the time that Lorenz hooked away from the crowded hall to dip into a far quieter room, Dedue had fully walled himself off into a defensive state. 

“This,” Lorenz announced. “Is the records room.” He flourished his hands at the walls, lined with dark shelves that housed books and scrolls of many different materials, all very large. Dedue found himself to be not nearly as invested in Lorenz’s attempts to turn the walk into an exciting tour as he was when they had first set out. Lorenz seemed to slow down a bit in response to Dedue’s silence. “Yes, I know. It is quite boring. However, it is quite an important stop on my errand run, so I ask that you humor me.”

Dedue gave a small grunt in response. He scanned over the heaps of ledgers and papers, eyes glazing over at the sheer amount of contextless numbers that he could see. He found himself thankful that life as a knight, while difficult, wasn’t nearly as boring as this.

A small, bespectacled girl shuffled out from behind a desk piled high with papers. Lorenz threw his arms in the air as he greeted her. “Henriette, my dear, do you have the reports from the fellows on the streets?” 

The girl nodded and passed Lorenz a little slip of paper. Lorenz scanned over it for a moment before folding it up and handing it back to her. They mingled for a moment, and Dedue made a point not to eavesdrop too much. He hunched his shoulders a tad when the girl peered over at him and pointedly said something to Lorenz, which made the both of them laugh. Dedue stared at his feet to avoid their gazes, but he perked up when he heard Lorenz declare, “Well, I suppose it is time to see to the rest of my affairs. Thank you very much, Henriette.” 

Dedue pointed himself at the door and waited for Lorenz to meet him, but as Lorenz turned to leave, Henriette pulled him back. “Wait! I almost forgot,” she said. “They told me somethin’ about a rumor. Apparently, they’ve heard some talk about a monastery that has a beast among its healers.”

Lorenz furrowed his brow at her words. “I see. That actually sounds quite promising. Tell them to pursue the rumor to its end. I’ll provide funds should they need to travel to this monastery.” Henriette nodded at him and he saw himself out with a lightness in his step. As he and Dedue walked, he leaned over and told Dedue, “That was Henriette, my trustiest scholar. I actually sort of poached her from the staff at the Royal School of Sorcery. Don’t tell Dimitri.”

“I will not.”

“She thinks you’re very handsome.” 

“I see.” Dedue felt awkward, but was glad to hear that the rumblings between Lorenz and the girl hadn’t been ill-spirited.

“I agreed with her, of course,” Lorenz added, chuckling. Dedue huffed and shook his head in response.

“So, what was that promising news about?” Dedue found himself wondering how talk of a beast could be good in any sense.

Lorenz took a moment before he started to speak. “It’s a little difficult to explain. While I’m aware of the status of many of my old classmates, be they alive or not, I haven’t been able to find out the fates of Marianne or Hilda.” He paused to sigh. “I don’t know if I expect them to be alive, but it pains me not to know.”

Dedue hummed quietly. “I understand.” 

“Anyway, I recall rumors of beasts following wherever Marianne went. So hearing about that…” Lorenz’s expression grew serious. “Especially at a monastery, it’s a good lead. I can only hope that where I find Marianne, Hilda will be there as well.”

“Wait.” Dedue stopped in his tracks. “I remember seeing Hilda. You were not there?”

“Where?” Urgency slipped into Lorenz’s voice. “I haven’t heard a thing about her. Where was she? Where has she gone?”

Dedue furrowed his brow. “I do not know where she is. But we encountered her and Claude not long before the war ended. We fought alongside them. After the battle, she left with Claude.”

“Of course.” Lorenz perked up. “If you saw her with Claude, she might be in Almyra. I’m a fool for not thinking of it.” He shuffled on his feet restlessly. “Wait right here, I will tell Henriette to relay the idea to them.” He flitted back the way that they had come, disappearing around the corner and returning soon after, slightly out of breath. “Thank you,” he gasped as he made his way to Dedue’s side. “Thank you so much, really. I have more hope for this cause today than I’ve had in months.”

“You should thank your men for their hard work,” Dedue said. “I have done hardly anything.”

Dedue startled when Lorenz took his hand. “I know, I am grateful to them, but that does not reduce my gratitude to you.” 

Dedue suppressed a smile as he looked at Lorenz. “I see you still get the urge to touch people when you’re grateful.” His efforts to hide his smile failed when he saw Lorenz’s face turn bright red. Seeing Lorenz fluster made Dedue briefly snap back to a warm feeling that he hadn’t had since he was still in school.

“Ah, well,” Lorenz fumbled for a bit before clearing his throat. “On with the tour, I suppose?”

Dedue followed close behind Lorenz as he was led on a rather confusing walk through the keep, stopping at seemingly random locations so that Lorenz could check in, and, inevitably, introduce Dedue to a cabal of strangers. Dedue hoped dearly that he wouldn’t need to memorize all of these new names. The titles, names, and faces were already getting shuffled around in Dedue’s mind as he met the chef, the couriers, the stable boys, the blacksmith, and probably some people that Dedue had already forgotten about. The fact that Lorenz managed to stop at all of these people and while still having time remaining before the meeting with Dimitri and Ignatz was baffling. The pace that Lorenz went at forbade any time for chatting between him and Dedue, which left Dedue without the one thing that made this whole tour business entertaining.

When Lorenz came to a full stop for the first time in the past couple hours, Dedue wasn’t sure if it was some kind of joke. He furrowed his brow at Lorenz, who stood beaming in front of a massive door. “What is it,” Dedue asked.

“This part is my favorite, so I have saved it for last.” Lorenz drummed his fingertips together. “Prepare yourself for _amazement_.”

Dedue crossed his arms and looked at Lorenz with half-closed eyes. “I’m plenty prepared.”

“Hmph.” Lorenz shrugged and spun to open the door, which let a wall of sunlight into the hall as it opened. “Don’t blame me if you pass out from excitement. Let us go. Across this courtyard is the greenhouse.”

Dedue raised his eyebrows. A look at Lorenz’s garden would make for a good capstone to a hectic afternoon. He picked up his step to keep up with Lorenz’s excited, long strides as he crossed a wide courtyard. A mosaic of flagstone sprawled underfoot, hugged on all sides by low-growing foliage. The sun warmed Dedue’s body, giving his mood a much needed pick-me-up. 

“This is my pride and joy,” Lorenz sang to Dedue. “It’s the best thing that my family left me after my nobility, and it has always burned me up inside that you haven’t seen it.” As the pair approached the tall structure, glass and metal glimmering underneath a smattering of vines and leaves, Lorenz spun to face Dedue, throwing his hands up as he walked backwards at the same hasty pace. “The only truly worthwhile opinion on my gardening is yours, Dedue. I hope you like it.”

Dedue watched Lorenz’s funky walking with mild concern. He didn’t want Lorenz’s excitement to be interrupted by a tumble to the ground. As the smell of flowers wafted into his nose, however, he found himself excitedly peaking past Lorenz into the doorway of the greenhouse. “I believe it’ll be lovely,” he admitted as the scent grew stronger, mingling pleasantly with Lorenz’s perfumes. Once again, he found himself transported to a place from his youth, the sensation made stronger by the role played by the smells. 

Dedue was snapped out of his thoughts as the rhythmic sounds of Lorenz’s feet scuffing on stone skipped a beat. If Dedue hadn’t been prepared to see Lorenz topple, it’s likely that Lorenz would have ended up flat on the ground. Relief buzzed through Dedue’s nerves as he clutched Lorenz’s arm. He watched as the fear on Lorenz’s face melt into embarrassment, then gratitude. 

“I suppose I should be watching where I walk, hm?” Lorenz chuckled and pulled on Dedue to straighten himself back up. “Thank you.” 

The pair stood like that for a moment, toe to toe, holding one another’s arm. “You’re welcome,” Dedue said after a beat. Then another moment of silence slid between them. Birds chirped, people chattered, Lorenz coughed.

“A-anyway,” Lorenz said, letting go of Dedue and straightening his waistcoat. Dedue felt a distinct emptiness on his arm where the pressure of Lorenz’s grasp seemed to linger on his skin. “After you.” Lorenz stepped aside and swung an arm towards the threshold of the greenhouse.

Delight filled Dedue’s heart as he entered, gazing at the massive array of varying foliage. Ferns and trellises created hallways that wound through the surprisingly deep building. Any space that wasn’t green was such because it was colored by beautiful flowers. Gardeners, donning straw hats and thick gloves, tended cautiously to the plants that lined the walls. Dedue couldn’t keep his jaw from falling open.

“I was hoping you would like it,” Lorenz’s voice cut through the quiet in the greenhouse. “I have put more money than I would like to admit hiring enough experts to keep this place in top condition.” He sauntered ahead of Dedue, casting a look to him that was so smug it would have enraged Dedue if he wasn’t so impressed. He followed Lorenz as the tour continued. “It’s all very experimental, actually. I brought in some mages for a big project I have been undertaking.” Lorenz gestured at a patch of violet and white flowers. “These crocuses are native to Almyra and need to be in perfect conditions to blossom.” He pointed across the walkway to a collection of tiny blue blooms. “And those forget-me-nots thrive in colder weather. I’ve been using a combination of infused soil and magic to try to regulate the temperature in certain parts of the greenhouse, so that I can have plants from everywhere imaginable.” 

Dedue crossed the path to get a close look at a small shrub with pinkish flowers. It looked strikingly similar to a plant he knew of that was native to Duscur. “Lorenz, this…”

“Ah, the cistus? I knew you would love it.” Lorenz leaned down and plucked one of the multitudes of pink blossoms from the bush. “It was incredibly difficult to find anyone who knew how to grow plants from Duscur. Even with the help, it took a few tries to get this one going.” He placed the tiny flower into Dedue’s hand, which was on the verge of shaking enough to drop it.

Dedue couldn’t believe that he was in reality. He stared at the flower, then at Lorenz. His heart felt like it was going to spill over with joy. 

Lorenz peered at something past Dedue and stuck a hand in the air. “Ah! Perfect. Stefan, I would like you to come meet my friend.” When Dedue turned to look, a strapping boy with olive skin and a slanted smile. Lorenz crossed over to put his hands on the boy’s shoulders, presenting him to Dedue. “This is the genius that got that cistus to grow. Dedue, this is Stefan, Stefan, Dedue.” Lorenz had a look on his face like he was showing off the greatest discovery of the century.

Dedue stared. “You are…”

“Ah, only a bit.” Stephan ruffled his hair awkwardly. “My great grandparents are from Duscur. I kind of lucked out, because my mother looks much more, er, white than I do. Plausible deniability.” He gave a little bow in greeting, then shook his head and offered a hand instead. “It’s good to meet you. I know who you are; Lorenz talked about you a _lot_.” 

Dedue shook the boy’s hand, noticing how small it was. He never thought that he would be so delighted by the sight of a geeky teenager in gardening equipment. It took a few tries for him to get words out of his mouth without being stopped up by emotion. “I am honored.” 

Stefan chuckled a bit and leaned closer to Dedue. “Lorenz _really_ likes you, you know. He gets all starry-eyed sometimes. He told me about how--” 

“Stefan!” Lorenz grabbed the boy’s collar and yanked him back. “I tell you those things in _confidence_ .” He sighed. “This is what I get for taking in a _teenager._ Some genius.”

“Hey,” Stefan whined, squirming away from Lorenz. “I’m not a _kid_ or anything. I’m not even a month away from being eighteen.”

Lorenz rolled his eyes, putting a hand to his forehead dramatically. “Oh, you are a _baby,_ my dear.” With a grin, he gestured to the door. “Go on and find your parents. Tell them how cool it was that you got to meet the great Dedue Molinaro.” 

Stefan scoffed. “Yeah, yeah. Fine.” He turned to Dedue before leaving, pointing at him excitedly. “Hey, how long will you be here?”

Dedue paused to think. “I don’t know,” he said. “At least a week.” 

“Great! I’ll get to have some tea with you at least once before you go, alright?”

Dedue nodded, and the boy took off with a skip in his step, leaving Dedue and Lorenz alone with their fond moods. Dedue felt like he’d been given a great gift, though he made a point of not assuming that Lorenz had put in all of the effort involved just for _him._

Lorenz stepped across Dedue, hands in his pocket and a proud expression on his face. “So,” he said, bubbly. “Do you like it?”

Dedue smiled. “Yes, I really do.”

“I’m thrilled. This is a labor of love, you know. Many hands were necessary to make this happen, and it’s still a work in progress.” Lorenz meandered deeper inside and gestured at a section that was packed tightly with roses of every color imaginable. “The only thing I could cultivate all on my own was the roses, of course.”

“On your own? That’s new.” Dedue raised his eyebrows at Lorenz, who deflated at his words.

“Oh, goodness. Must you bring that up? I was hoping that you would let me have my moment.” Lorenz heaved a sigh. “Or perhaps that you had forgotten.”

Dedue stooped to take a closer look at the roses. The sweet scent filled his nostrils and pumped his heart with nostalgia. “I could not forget.”

“Well, if you _must,_ we may reminisce for a moment.” Lorenz’s overought tone told Dedue that his reluctance was wholly false. 

“About your roses?”

Lorenz gave a fond laugh. “Yes, the roses. If I recall, you were there when I finally got my first rose to bloom. You let me have a whole moment before you told me that _you_ were the one that made it happen.” 

Dedue puffed to himself. “I was _there_ , yes.”

Lorenz’s smile crinkled his eyes as he looked at Dedue. “Yes, in fact, you were more than there, were you not?” Dedue couldn’t hide the blush that he developed from seeing the delight that Lorenz took in conjuring this memory. “I _think_ I recall that something else happened. Why, I was so excited, that I, hm…” Lorenz tapped a finger to his chin, humming loudly.

“You kissed me.” Dedue gave in to Lorenz’s pushing. 

“Yes, I sure did.” Lorenz laughed, high and ringing. “And then, of course, you ruined my moment.”

“I just told the truth,” said Dedue. “I told you I had been tending to your bush while you were away.” 

Lorenz put a hand to his cheek. “And then I kissed you again.”

“Yes, you did.” 

Lorenz’s eyes were sparkling. “And I kissed you once more after that, I believe.” 

Dedue had to look away. He tore his eyes away from Lorenz’s violet gaze and pointed them instead at the equally violet roses. “I don’t recall the reason for that one,” he muttered. 

Dedue hazarded a glance at Lorenz and saw that his face was deep red. “Well, I’m pretty sure it was just because I quite enjoyed the first two times.” 

Lorenz started to giggle, giving way to the awkward tension in the air. Dedue found himself laughing, too. He tried his damndest to ignore the heat on his face. 

Lorenz put a hand to his chest as he laughed harder. “It really is quite funny,” he said between breaths. “We were silly kids, just figuring ourselves out. I didn’t even know until that moment that I liked men.” 

Dedue’s eyes widened. “But _you_ kissed _me_?”

“I was excited!” Another bout of laughter made Lorenz double over. Dedue couldn’t ignore how much he enjoyed the sight of Lorenz, tearing up and red in the face, uncharacteristically uncomposed. “You know, I actually became increasingly attracted to Claude after that. It all kind of happened at once for me.”

Dedue couldn’t stop himself from letting out a guffaw. “Claude? I thought you hated him.” 

Lorenz clapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh, no. Don’t tell anyone about that, please. It was just a stupid crush. It never went anywhere.” 

“You say that as if we went anywhere.”

“Kissing is somewhere.” Lorenz clicked his tongue. “It’s somewhere I haven’t been in a while, in all honesty.”

Dedue felt odd about hearing such intimate things from Lorenz. “Nor I,” he offered. “It’s not strange.”

Lorenz sighed. “Well, I suppose you never did end up with Dimitri like you said you would.” A bitterness showed in his voice that made Dedue feel guilty all over again. “Nothing ever works out, does it? I missed out on the simplicity of young love.”

“It’s not simple.” Dedue put a hand on Lorenz’s arm. He was usually so uncomfortable with being the one to cross the gap and make contact, but something about the intoxicating scent of the flowers was getting to him. 

“It was simple with us.” Lorenz leaned into the touch, his face setting into a pout. “Just some kissing, some fooling around. Nothing more, nothing less.” Somewhere along the line, while he spoke, his head landed on Dedue’s shoulder. Warmth radiated through Dedue from that spot outward.

“I think you are mistaken.” Dedue’s voice was quiet, only having to cross a small gap to reach Lorenz. He felt like a fool, being so intimidated by such little, but he couldn’t help but shake a little bit.

Lorenz sighed heavily and his breath broke against Dedue’s neck. “I might be,” Lorenz mumbled. “Just let me pretend for a moment.” 

Dedue swallowed. “Okay.” 

And so, for a moment, Dedue pretended that things were that simple, and that kissing didn’t have to mean anything. He had to believe that, if only to give himself an excuse to kiss Lorenz in that moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chap is long, but worry not! It's packed with the sort of yearning and pining that y'all love so much, with a side order of snarky Ignatz. The next chapter will have all the sauce that you could ever want, too, so look forward to that. Enjoy!

Meeting with Dimitri and Ignatz to discuss the specifics of the painting process went far more smoothly than the meetings that Lorenz had grown accustomed to upon becoming count. He was so used to the confused, indirect formalities and general passive aggressiveness of the nobles gave him whenever things needed to be done that he had grown to appreciate the straightforward nature of his old friends. Not that Lorenz would ever admit such a thing aloud. He had a reputation to uphold.

Nevertheless, Lorenz found his stress levels to be at an all-time low with regards to work as the discussion wrapped up with all of the bases covered. There was no confusion, no posturing, and, blessedly, no old biddies who Lorenz barely even knew telling him that he ought to be considering marriage and heirs. His mood was also certainly boosted by the knowledge of the deposit of riches coming both to Lorenz’s estate and directly to Ignatz. The amount was certainly more than Lorenz had anticipated. In fact, the closest thing to a disagreement that came up during the meeting was when Ignatz balked at the offer and insisted that Dimitri was overpaying, but Dimitri refused to back down. Ignatz had spent that whole part of the discussion looking like a fish trying to breathe on land, and, walking away from the drafting room, he still held a scrap of that panic in his eyes.

Lorenz crossed over to get to his frightened knight, leaving Dedue and Dimitri to fill in one another about their respective days. He set a hand on Ignatz’s shoulder and the lad nearly leaped out of his boots, but his raised hackles fell a bit when he saw that it was Lorenz.

“Looking forward to the project, my little artist?” Lorenz set the pace for a walk-and-talk through the keep hallways.

Ignatz gave a weak laugh. “Well, the amount of pressure just multiplied now that I know what I’m apparently worth,” he said. “But when I stop thinking about that, I almost feel excited. I’ve got a massive canvas primed and ready for a hot date with me tomorrow, and that’s always fun.”

Lorenz smiled as he walked, his hands behind his back. “You’ll have quite a lot of alone time with Dimitri during that date,” he observed.

“Ah, don’t remind me.” Ignatz screwed up his face. “The absolute  _ worst _ part of doing portraits. At least when I draw, like, mountains or something, they aren’t watching me or expecting me to make small talk.” He took his glasses off to rub his eyes. “I hope it isn’t too horribly awkward.”

“Well, if the novels I read are any indication, your only options are either to spend the whole process completely silent, or you start talking and fall madly in love.” Lorenz fluttered his eyelashes to punctuate his point.

“I think those books are rotting your brain,” Ignatz quipped.

“What, you mean you  _ don’t  _ want to have a fairy tale romance?” Lorenz clasped his hands together and pointed a theatrical pout at Ignatz.

Ignatz looked at Lorenz like he expected him to grow a second head. “No, not if it involves interfering with the marriage of a king who has already gone through far too much shit.” 

Lorenz deflated, blowing a raspberry. “You’re just afraid of a little excitement.” He paused for a moment and glanced over his shoulder, deciding that he was a safe enough distance from Dedue and Dimitri to bring up his desired topic. “So, Ignatz,” he hummed. 

“I’m not sure I like the sound of this.”

“Can you keep a secret?” Lorenz tented his fingers in front of his chest, leaning forward to bat his eyes more at Ignatz. 

“I can keep one better than you can, at least.” Ignatz sighed and pushed up his glasses. “Go ahead.”

“Oh, thank the goddess. I simply  _ need _ to confide.” Lorenz opened his hands to the sky and told Ignatz all that he could about the situation between him and Dedue. He explained their history of secretive snogging sessions during their school years, about Dedue basically rejecting him to pursue Dimitri, about how much that had torn him up, and, finally, about the little encounter that they had had in the greenhouse earlier that day. By the time that he was finished dumping it all onto Ignatz, they had walked long enough to end up in the main courtyard. The flagstone was turned golden by the magical lamplight and the remnants of dusk sunbeams. Ignatz plopped himself down on a stone bench and Lorenz sat next to him, twiddling his thumbs. “Well? What are your thoughts?” 

“Hm.” Ignatz squirrelled his lips around as he thought. “I must say, I’m impressed.”

Lorenz cocked his head. “Impressed? Why?”

“Because this is the first time I’m hearing about any of this.” Ignatz chuckled a bit at Lorenz’s expression. “I didn’t think you were so likely to kiss and  _ not  _ tell. Not sure if it’s a good or bad sign that you’ve never bragged about this one.”

“Oof.” Lorenz put a hand to his chest. “I almost wish you were still as shy as you were in school. You became awfully  _ mean _ after puberty hit.”

Ignatz snorted. “Trust me, my opinions have not changed. Only thing that changed was me saying what I think out loud sometimes.”

“Oh, that’s quite frightening to hear.” Lorenz shuddered at the thought of what horrible things Ignatz must have thought of him while he was going through his insufferable noble phase.

“So, I managed to keep my words to myself while you told me your story.” Ignatz raised his eyebrows at Lorenz. “Do you want my advice?”

Lorenz sighed. “I’ve only had a moment to recover from your ruthless attacks. Please.” He paused and made a show of bracing himself, taking in a massive breath and holding it. “Okay,” he eked out. “Do it.”

Ignatz put his hands on Lorenz’s shoulders and met his eyes firmly. “This thing you’re doing? It’s a terrible idea.”

Lorenz let out his breath, foolishly assuming that Ignatz was finished talking. When Ignatz continued, he deflated even further. “I’m sure you’re having fun, but it’s dumb.  _ Especially _ if you’re still hurting over Dedue running off with Dimitri.”

“Ignatz, you wound me,” Lorenz yawped. “I was never really  _ hurt _ by that. I was fully prepared for my interest in Dedue to be temporary.”

Ignatz’s expression indicated his lack of confidence in Lorenz’s words. “Lorenz.”

“What?” Lorenz pouted, a flush of embarrassment creeping across his neck and ears.

“I  _ just _ finished listening to you whine about it.”

“I know, but you know how I am. I get theatrical when I tell stories.” Lorenz’s desperation grew as Ignatz’s unconvinced look remained steady. He tried again: “I’m well over it by now, anyway. And if all we are doing is  _ kissing, _ it shouldn’t matter.”

Ignatz sighed and crossed his arms. “Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe it is, and always will be, just kissing.”

Lorenz huffed. “That is all it is.”

“But.” Ignatz’s voice was stern. “I don’t want to see you getting hurt. If you don’t want to back out, I can’t stop you. All I ask is that you be  _ careful _ .”

“Careful.” Lorenz stood and smoothed down his waistcoat. “I am fully capable of that. It’s not the most original advice, Ignatz, but I do appreciate it nevertheless.” Lorenz puffed himself up and rather forcefully shook Ignatz’s hand. “Thank you very much for being my confidant.”

“Anytime.” There was a weariness to Ignatz’s voice that Lorenz chose to interpret as nothing more than exhaustion after a long day.

“Now, if you excuse me,” Lorenz warbled. “I shall see myself to bed.”

“Good night, Lorenz.”

“Good night.”

◉◉◉

As Lorenz finished up the leftover paperwork at his desk, he found himself unable to detach his mind from thoughts of Dedue. Of course, intermingling with those thoughts were the words that he had shared with Ignatz, which just made him more confused. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh and a creak, staring out to his balcony window, picturesquely moonlit and wreathed in foliage. Giving into the sight, Lorenz rose and stepped outside into the moonlight, glass door left hanging open behind him to let the fresh, cool air ventilate into his room. As he leaned on the balcony, however, something didn’t seem right. 

Lorenz peeked his back into his room and fixed his eyes on the half-empty wine glass that sat on his desk. He snatched the glass and returned to the balcony, propping himself on the railing. “There,” he muttered to himself. “If I am to brood, I must at least do it right.”

He stared into his reflection in the rippling red, hoping to find some kind of answer to his troubles under the surface. He didn’t even need a correct answer. He just wanted to be able to justify his decision to seek physical affection from Dedue. He knew that Ignatz was right, or, at least, that he would be right if Lorenz was intending to do anything more than he already had with Dedue. Of course he wasn’t going to. He just wanted to enjoy kissing a handsome man a little bit. Was that really as foolish as Ignatz made it seem? Lorenz shook his head and took a hearty sip of wine.

It took Lorenz a couple more glasses of wine and a lot of staring pensively across the balcony, but he did end up finding a conclusion that he liked. As far as he was concerned, he had an  _ obligation _ to enjoy some kisses from Dedue while he was here. Dedue had told him that he hadn’t been kissed in a long time, and Lorenz found that to be a complete waste. Such a man should not have gone unkissed for so long. If no one else was going to do it, Lorenz figured that it was imperative that he take the burden upon himself.

“Yes, a burden,” Lorenz mumbled into his empty glass, swaying in the breeze like a freshly planted poplar tree. “It’s my burden to bear.” Lorenz was deeply pleased to have found a perspective on the situation that made him happy.

Lorenz jumped when a knock sounded at his door. “Dedue?” His inebriated imagination ran off on a hopeful tangent, flashing images through Lorenz’s mind of Dedue sweeping him up, of kisses and embraces and tender words, of inhibitions dissolving and Dedue carrying him to the bed…

Lorenz was buzzing with anticipation and alcohol as he strode to the door, swinging it open with gusto and flashing his most seductive look at… a confused looking errand lad, who was holding out a paper. “Sir, um, you forgot to pick up the notes from the meeting the other day.”

Lorenz felt his soul leave his body and drift far, far away. “Ah, yes,” he grunted through a clenched jaw. “Thank you.”

He shut the door and set the note on his desk, reeling. His mind rolled with thoughts, chaotic and confusing and just beneath a thin veil of wine. He deliberated for a moment before making the call that he had neither the time nor energy to unpack any of what he had just put himself through. Instead, he decided to shirk his robes, crawl into bed, and allow himself a drunken wank to get himself to fall asleep faster. 

◉◉◉

The next time that Lorenz saw Dedue, it was on the way to dinner with Dimitri and Ignatz the following evening. Lorenz had been both relieved and disappointed that he was too busy all day to see Dedue at all. Of course, that hadn’t stopped Lorenz from thinking about him. If anything, the absence had made his mind run around into realms of thought that Lorenz had to consciously steer away from.

The sight of Dedue there, leaning against a window, skin cast in orange from the setting sun, Lorenz’s mind finally went quiet. Dedue looked up at Lorenz as he approached, which made his gait pick up in speed. Without even thinking, Lorenz scampered up and planted a kiss on Dedue. As he pulled back, Dedue’s expression was shocked for a moment before softening into a smile. “Hello,” he said, quietly.

“Hello to you, too,” Lorenz sang. He had definitely not been planning to kiss Dedue just then, but he would be damned if he was going to think about it hard enough to potentially regret it. “How has your day been, Dedue? Hopefully not as dreadfully hectic as my own.”

“It was not.” Dedue looked out the window. “I was with Dimitri and Ignatz for some time, then I spent the rest of the day in the greenhouse.” 

Lorenz flushed, happy to hear that Dedue was enjoying his passion project. “That sounds quite a measure more pleasant than meetings and paperwork,” he said, glibly. “Color me jealous.”

“Here.” Dedue presented his hand to Lorenz. In the middle of his broad, dark palm sat a little pink flower. “It fell off of the bush,” Dedue explained, taking Lorenz’s hand and guiding it towards the blossom. “I thought… I thought you would like it.”

Lorenz’s heart went supernova as he placed his fingers onto Dedue’s palm to pick up the gift. Panic rose in him. He didn’t know how to deal with this. He hadn’t been prepared for this. A shiver ran through him as he desperately tried not to think too hard about the implications. Lorenz had to struggle through his paralysis to get any words to come out. “Dedue, you should be careful. You are dancing  _ dangerously _ close to romance.”

Lorenz looked up to see a frown on Dedue’s face that sucked the air out of his lungs. “I am sorry,” Dedue muttered. “I shouldn’t have.” He pulled his hand away.

Startled, Lorenz snatched the flower from Dedue’s hand and clutched it to his chest. “N-No, it’s fine. It’s a wonderful gesture. I do not intend to let you take it back.”

A hand landed on Lorenz’s back, causing him to let out a shrill yelp. From behind, Ignatz’s voice sounded. “Excuse my interruption, but we’re waiting for you two to come for dinner.”

Dedue bowed low. “My apologies.” He disappeared like a wisp in the wind, leaving Lorenz, Ignatz, and the implication-laden flower out in the hallway.

Lorenz winced when he saw the look that Ignatz was giving him. “Please don’t make me feel guilty,” Lorenz whined. “I’ve already been taken on a ride by my emotions today.”

“Not saying anything,” Ignatz said, somehow making Lorenz feel worse than he would’ve if he had said  _ everything _ .

The dining room was exquisitely decorated in dark woods and floral banisters, lit low with large, crackling lanterns that were powered by magic but made to invoke the aesthetic of real fire in order to create an intimate atmosphere. A handful of Lorenz’s best butlers and maids stood at the walls, towels and bottles of wine in hand. Dimitri sat at the head of the table, chatting quietly with Dedue at his flank. Lorenz bowed to both of them as he seated himself at the other end. 

The first course of the meal came with a round of updates on the status of Ignatz’s work. “I’ve got a later of flats that I’d like to be fully dry before I continue.” Ignatz was animated as he spoke. “It will take at least a full day, I think.”

“A day?” Lorenz grinned and gestured with his wine glass. It was filled with his favorite red, of course, but that meant that he had to make an effort not to let the scent of it bring him right back to his feelings from when he had been drinking it last night. “Well, I suppose that means you’re free tomorrow, hm?”

Eyes fell on Dimitri. He smiled, scratching his face. “I suppose so! I hadn’t even considered that. Do you have something in mind?”

Lorenz hummed and drummed his fingers, creating a deep sound on the mahogany table. “There’s only a handful of things I can think of on such short notice… ah!” He raised his glass triumphantly. “Why don’t we take a ride through the countryside? It has been far too long since I’ve taken the horses for a spin.”

As Lorenz observed his friends for a response, he saw Dimitri exchange a pointed look with Ignatz. Lorenz furrowed his brow as the two of them smirked and shook with suppressed laughter. “Is there something wrong?” Lorenz found himself positively baffled trying to figure what must have gone between the pair to create such a response. He looked to Dedue for help, but he seemed equally confused. 

“No, no.” Dimitri let out a cheery sigh. “It sounds like a lovely plan. I look forward to it.”

Lorenz narrowed his eyes, but decided to let the strange behavior go for the time being. He waved a butler over and told him to relay the plans to the stable manager so that the plans could be finalised. “So,” he turned back to his guests. “How has your experience here been, Dimitri?”

Dimitri waited a moment to speak as a maid slid a new plate of food in front of him. “What can I say?” he started before heaping a bit of food into his mouth. Lorenz decided not to comment on his table manners. “It’s mostly consisted of sleeping, eating, and chatting with Ignatz while he paints.” Another mouthful of food. “And all of that has been perfectly nice. You’re probably better off asking Dedue what he thinks.”

Lorenz looked to Dedue, who seemed wholly unprepared to talk. He stiffened, took a sip of wine, and simply said, “It’s been good.” Lorenz couldn’t suppress the smile that came to his face at the sight of Dedue looking ruffled. When Dedue looked up to meet Lorenz’s eyes, he sharply looked away, embarrassed to have been caught staring.

“So,” Lorenz coughed and shifted back into his polite tone. “I’m glad to hear that you’ve been getting along with Ignatz.”

“I really have. Though, I guess there’s not much of a choice when you’re just sitting there being stared at.” Dimitri chuckled and shoved an impressive amount of bread into his mouth. “Eventually, I just had to fill the silence. I about talked his ear off about what  _ everyone _ in the kingdom has been up to.”

Ignatz piped up, wine sloshing in his hand. “Oh, tell him about Sylvain and Felix.” He giggled openly as he spoke. It never did take very much wine to make him friendly.

“Yes, well.” Dimitri shook his head and leaned back in his chair, looking very broad with his furs cascading down his back. “The two are due to be wed in less than half a year and, ugh, Dedue knows this. Remember? When we left…”

Dedue finished the sentence with a small smirk. “They were broken up. Again.”

Lorenz’s eyebrows shot up. “Pardon?”

Dimitri’s chuckling grew into a guffaw, and Ignatz and Dedue contributed their own laughter. Lorenz’s embarrassment from feeling left out was compounding with the odd feeling that seeing Dedue smiling gave him. Dimitri continued his explanation. “You look so worried. It’s fine.” Dimitri puffed a gleeful breath and took a swig of wine. “They’re no different from their school days. Every other week, it’s another argument, and, sometimes, another breakup. I can’t tell if they’re ever serious or not.”

Ignatz laughed out loud and Lorenz’s stunned expression. “Right? I reacted the same way. I was like, woah, their wedding planner must be feeling all,” he paused and bugged out his eyes. “It’s incredible.”

Dimitri turned to Ignatz and raised an eyebrow. “You know who must be even more stressed, though? You know…” he muttered something to Ignatz and the two erupted into laughter.

Realization flooded Lorenz’s mind. “My goodness.” He shot a look at Dedue, who still looked lost. “They’ve got  _ inside jokes! _ It’s hardly been a day and a half.” 

Dedue furrowed his brow. “It appears so. Is that bad?”

“I’m offended!” Lorenz leaned in and stage-whispered to Dedue. “They’re getting along better than we are!”

Dedue snorted. Lorenz blushed. “I don’t think I would say that,” Dedue said with the tiniest smirk.

Lorenz felt his insides stir up. He downed a swig of wine. “Ah. Perhaps not.” Lorenz wasn’t going to admit that he was made jealous by the idea of a real, close bond being formed.

The dinner carried on with Lorenz taking a backseat to the conversation as Dimitri and Ignatz took turns recounting the things that they had been talking about with one another. Lorenz found himself only half paying attention to the giggling pair. He tried to keep up, but his eyes kept wandering back over to Dedue. It wouldn’t have been happening so much if Dedue wasn’t also constantly peering Lorenz’s way. Every time their wandering eyes caught one another, Lorenz’s heart moved at double time for a second. Lorenz convinced himself that his thoughts were only about kissing Dedue. Nothing more.

After taking another look at Dedue’s lips and watching the way the muscles in his neck moved under his jaw, Lorenz decided that he’d be willing to let his mind wander at least a step past kissing.

Dinner finally wrapped up, leaving Dimitri chipper and Ignatz a hiccupping, giggling mess. Lorenz helped his knight out of his chair and propped him up on his shoulder. “You want your glasses off?” Lorenz asked, putting a stabilizing hand on Ignatz’s chest. 

“Yes,  _ please. _ ” 

Carefully, Lorenz slid the glasses off of Ignatz’s face. “I’ll hold onto these, then.”

Dimitri gave a concerned look. “Are you sure you don’t need any help from me?”

Lorenz chuckled and shook his head. “Worry not, Dimitri. This is a frequent occurrence when he gets into conversation and forgets what he is drinking.” Lorenz straightened as Ignatz’s head lolled against his shoulder. “You need not trouble yourself with him. This is one of my jobs.”

“Very well.” Dimitri dipped a polite bow to Lorenz and offered a pat on the head to Ignatz. “Have a good night. Dedue--”

“Actually,” Lorenz cut in with a sly smile. “May I steal Dedue away for the evening? I have… some questions I want to ask him.”

Dimitri puffed and smiled, turning to Dedue. “Very well. I’ll see you tomorrow, Dedue.”

“Good night,” Dedue said, offering a bow.

With Dimitri seeing himself off, Lorenz felt like he could finally consider the evening something of a success. He hoisted Ignatz up to ensure that he had a firm grip and made his way out towards the sleeping quarters. Dedue followed close behind.

“So, what is it that you wanted to ask?” Dedue kept an eye on the teetering Ignatz as they walked.

“What do  _ you  _ think?” Lorenz flashed a smile and Dedue, who visibly blushed.

Ignatz piped up, a little louder than was necessary with him right next to Lorenz’s ear. “Don’t you  _ dare _ flirt while I’m right here.”

Dedue grew more uncomfortable. Lorenz bubbled over with laughter. “Okay,” he conceded. “We will refrain.”

Dedue shot Lorenz a questioning look. “But, we were not--”

“It’s fine, Dedue.” Lorenz shifted his grip on Ignatz, who had been sliding down as they walked. “He knows.” When Dedue frowned, Lorenz put up a hand defensively. “Don’t be upset. I trust Ignatz more than anyone. Well, as long as he’s not drunk.”

“Hey,” Ignatz whined. 

“Just an observation,” Lorenz said, blowing a wisp of Ignatz’s hair out of his face.

“Well, in that case,” Dedue huffed and crossed his arms. “I can tell Dimitri.”

Lorenz rolled his eyes. “Why, yes, in fact, you can tell Dimitri. That is, you can tell him after you have told him that you’re gay.”

“Ooooh,” Ignatz jeered, giving Lorenz’s hand a congratulatory pat.

Dedue slouched. “I will give you that one.”

“For the record,” Ignatz chimed in, pushing himself up off of Lorenz’s shoulder, nearly causing both of them to topple over. “I think that this whole thing you two are doing is absurd. Anyone can see that you’re already--”

“Okay!” Lorenz came to a stop and straightened up Ignatz by his shoulders. “Time for bed, my dear Ignatz. We’ve made it to your room.”

“Ah.” Ignatz flopped into the door and pushed it open. Lorenz thanked himself for Ignatz’s failure to continue his tirade. “Goodnight, lovebirds,” Ignatz slurred as he swung into the room and slammed the door.

Lorenz sighed, rolling his shoulders to release the tension from carrying Ignatz. “He’s got a sharp tongue, that one.”

“You’re one to talk.” Hearing Dedue’s voice made Lorenz realize suddenly that they were finally alone together. He tried to ignore how excited that made him.

“I suppose so,” Lorenz said as nonchalantly as he could. Biting his lip, he stepped closer to Dedue. “So, about those ‘questions’ I had to ask you…”

Dedue cupped a hand to Lorenz’s cheek and Lorenz melted into it instantly, closing his eyes. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been craving this. Dedue’s voice rumbled low and sweet, “you may ask them.”

Lorenz hooked his arms around Dedue’s waist. “I think you know what I intend to ask for.”

“I do.” Dedue pulled Lorenz in. His lips were warm to the touch and they sent Lorenz straight to heaven. He put his whole being behind the kiss, forgetting about everything else in the world. The blush that set in on Lorenz’s skin intensified as he pulled away enough to catch his breath before smashing his lips back into Dedue’s. He was hyper aware of Dedue’s form. He was so  _ big _ against Lorenz, his waist filling Lorenz’s arms in a way that made him wonder just what he was like under his clothes. Every time that Dedue moved, Lorenz caught a whiff of cinnamon and pure warmth that drew him even further in. Lorenz found himself absentmindedly running his tongue over the little scar on Dedue’s lip, curious about the break in the smooth skin. He couldn’t deny to himself how badly he wanted more.

The air on Lorenz’s face grew cold as Dedue suddenly stepped back. He looked at Lorenz with a face that drove him absolutely wild. His cheeks were flushed, his eyelids heavy, his lips parted. His pupils were so big that nary a glimpse of green was visible against the black. The urge to kiss him again was torturous.

“Lorenz.” Dedue’s stern voice was almost enough to snap Lorenz out of his haze. “What happened to just kissing?”

Lorenz blinked. “What do you mean?”

“What you were trying to do, it was…” Dedue looked away, touching a hand to his lips. “It was more.”

“I know.” Lorenz swallowed. “But it can’t hurt, right? We’ve been doing  _ fine _ with the kissing thing, so this is fine.” Lorenz didn’t believe a word of what was coming out of his mouth, but he was willing to say anything to convince not just Dedue, but himself.

“This, though.” Dedue cleared his throat and gestured vaguely at the space between the two of them. “This is not simple.”

“It can be. Please.” Lorenz hated how pathetic he sounded, but he couldn’t help the desperation that trickled into his voice.

Lorenz carefully watched Dedue’s face. His brow furrowed, Lorenz could see the gears turning in his head. Lorenz started to panic. He decided that he couldn’t have Dedue thinking so hard about this. He put a hand on the back of Dedue’s neck and kissed the hell out of him, hoping to expel all of the doubts in his head. A soft groan rose from Dedue’s throat that only made Lorenz’s kissing become more ravenous.

A shock hit Lorenz as a rapping on the door next to him broke him out of his task. From behind the door, Ignatz’s voice came through in a muffled shout. “If you two are going to do something stupid, do it the  _ fuck _ away from my room!”

Lorenz put a hand to his mouth and let out a giggle that transformed into a whimper. “Sorry,” he cried out, burying his face in Dedue’s chest to try to hide from his own shame.

Lorenz pulled back to study Dedue’s face, hoping to see how he felt. Dedue sighed through a barely concealed smile, his eyes crinkling. “Alright,” he puffed. “Let’s go.”

“Oh, thank the goddess.” Lorenz spun around and dragged Dedue behind him as he rushed towards his room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dedue and Lorenz have an intimate evening, and an old friend shows up to hang out with the group. An unfortunate arrangement threatens to complicate affairs between the new lovers as they continue to deny their feelings.

Lorenz shut the door softly behind him once they were both inside of his room. He leaned against it, staring Dedue down as he tried to ignore the fluttering in his heart. He was sure he’d never been this nervous about anything before, even considering the numerous close encounters he’d had on the battlefield. 

Opening his eyes halfway, Lorenz eyed Dedue with an enraptured gaze. He tried to pose as seductively as he could, leaning on the door with the most suggestive look he could muster on his face. Much to his chagrin, Dedue only looked more lost than he’d ever been. “Lorenz,” Dedue muttered. “Why are you still at the door?” 

The blush that dusted Lorenz’s face intensified as lust compiled with embarrassment. “I, uh, I was hoping that you would, um…” Lorenz found himself becoming more quiet with each word that came out of his mouth. “Pin me against it and, you know.” He paused and gave a little wiggle. “Ravish me?”

Dedue twiddled his fingers together awkwardly. “I did not realize.”

Lorenz, suddenly aware of his own ridiculousness, clicked his tongue and straightened up. He took Dedue by the hand and led him towards his bed, smiling apologetically. “Worry not,” he said, his voice wavering with embarrassment and nervousness. “You will understand the script to these sorts of encounters in time.”

Dedue’s eyes flitted curiously across Lorenz. “I did not know that there was a script.”

“Fortunately for you, I have studied the script quite a lot.” As he spoke, Lorenz made a point of stepping between Dedue and the bookshelf next to his bed. He couldn’t risk Dedue seeing any of the numerous romance novels that lined the shelves.

Lorenz continued to lead, taking a seat upon his plush lavender bed and pulling Dedue down into a slow, probing kiss. His hands worked to slough off Dedue’s scarf and outermost tunic as well as his own robe. Blessedly, Dedue wasn’t encased in armor, but he was certainly layered up a lot more than any normal person would be during the summertime. It wasn’t convenient, but Lorenz took a perverted sort of delight at the thought of unwrapping Dedue little by little, like a carefully crafted present.

Dedue’s hands were only just ghosting across Lorenz’s form as they kissed, his movements tinged with hesitation. Lorenz, wanting, found himself twisting around to try to lean into whatever amount of the frustratingly light touch he could get. Lorenz tried to coax him forward, removing another layer and deftly undoing his ponytail so that he could pull on his hair as he sucked intently on Dedue’s bottom lip. Despite his best efforts, however, Dedue continued to feel stiff and unsure against him. Lorenz let out his irritation with a groan, before deciding to give up on subtlety. He yanked Dedue forward and flopped back, forcing Dedue’s body to pin him down to the bed. Having Dedue upon him, broad and heavy, made Lorenz’s desire grow even further.

Dedue broke away from the kiss and searched Lorenz’s face for a moment. “I feel I must ask,” he said, running a hand through Lorenz’s hair. “Just how far past kissing do you intend on going?”

Lorenz hooked a finger under Dedue’s chin and made a frank declaration. “My dear, if I do not end up with your cock in my mouth before the end of the night, I will be sorely disappointed.” Lorenz felt almost childish as he made a point of speaking as crudely as he possibly could. 

Dedue’s eyes widened substantially, his cheeks flushing a dark color. “Lorenz, you mustn’t debase yourself like that.” 

Lorenz gobbled up the look on Dedue’s face like the most scrumptious dessert. “We’ll see how debased I am in a few minutes,” he said smugly.

Lorenz moved in and pressed a kiss to Dedue’s jaw, his hand slowly but surely drifting down Dedue’s back to find a resting place upon his rear. When Lorenz sucked gently on the skin just below Dedue’s jawbone, Dedue let out a sigh so great that Lorenz was sure it was the first time that he had breathed since they’d entered his room. Lorenz pinched Dedue’s ass, buzzing with delight at the prospect of chipping away at his thick, calm exterior.

Lorenz was starting to unbutton another of Dedue’s layers when Dedue spoke up. “I must tell you, I haven’t ever--”

“Neither have I,” Lorenz spoke against Dedue’s neck, sneaking words in between kisses and the occasional nibble. “My standards are far too high,” he admitted. “All I have been able to do is… research.” He thought once more about the romance books next to his bed.

With Dedue shirking another layer, all that was left was a thin, white shirt. Lorenz found himself growing more impatient with the hesitation that continued to stifle Dedue’s movements. Couldn’t he see how badly Lorenz wanted this? Though, perhaps, the fact that he could see was what made him so scared. 

“I do not think,” Dedue said, shivering a little bit against Lorenz’s wandering hands. “That your standards are really that high.”

Lorenz gave an offended puff and spitefully spoke his next words directly into Dedue’s ear. “Dedue, you are the most handsome man I have ever seen.” He could feel Dedue tense at the tickling of his breath against his ear. “I want you to have your way with me, Dedue. Please.” When he finished speaking, he could tell that Dedue’s grip upon him had tightened the slightest bit. 

Lorenz lingered at Dedue’s ear, intrigued by the response. He may have just found a method of attack for Dedue’s composure.

Lorenz rolled over, grabbing Dedue’s shoulders to guide him until they had switched positions. Dedue watched, curiously, cautiously, but politely acquiesced to Lorenz’s movements. Lorenz swung a leg over Dedue’s hips to straddle him, and leaned down to trail a line of kisses along Dedue’s jaw. He sucked on Dedue’s earlobe when he reached it as he grabbed Dedue’s hand and guided it between his legs. 

“Dedue,” Lorenz sighed, pressing Dedue’s hand into his erection. “Can you feel how hard I am for you? Please, Dedue, I need you to touch me, right now.  _ Plea--  _ ah!” Lorenz cried out in surprise as Dedue suddenly took the initiative to rub his palm against Lorenz through his pants. Finally, Dedue started to give in to the pleas. He grabbed a hold of Lorenz’s hips and ground against them, groaning loudly. Hooking his fingers into Lorenz’s hair, he pulled him over to kiss him, hard and sloppy. Lorenz was filled to the brim with pride at how well he had managed to break down Dedue’s composure. He couldn’t get enough of Dedue’s newly desirous movements as he panted and whined against Dedue’s lips, strung along as Dedue continued to teasingly rub against his cock. When Lorenz’s lips parted to let out a moan, Dedue’s tongue opportunistically took up real estate inside of Lorenz’s mouth. The motion was fumbling and curious, eagerness causing their teeth to bump clumsily together as they tried to press even closer together.

Lorenz made quick work of removing Dedue’s last shirt, wishing that he was strong enough to just rip it off of him so that he could get to the enticing skin underneath. As soon as he was able, he ran his hands hungrily against Dedue’s exposed chest. His skin was deliciously supple and warm, the smooth surface against Lorenz’s fingers broken up by lifted scars and a coarse patch of white hair in the center of his chest. He felt Dedue’s ribs lift and fall with his breaths, the intervals picking up in speed as Lorenz’s fingers found their way to his nipples. He swirled his fingers deftly around them, savoring the low, shaky moan that rose out of Dedue.

Lorenz continued to toy with one of Dedue’s nipples as his other hand trailed down toward his lap. He paused to massage Dedue’s thigh, delighted by the firm muscle underhand. He cupped his hand around the bulge in Dedue’s pants and rubbed it gently. He was desperate to know what kind of heat such a big guy must have been packing underneath.

A yelp came out of Lorenz as Dedue’s hand kneaded harder into his cock. He whined against Dedue’s lips, impatient to put an end to this teasing. “Oh, Dedue,” he sighed. “I need more right now, please…” His hand still against Dedue’s cock, he could feel the response that he got from Dedue when he begged.

Dedue placed a hand on Lorenz’s face, gazing at him with heavy eyes. “Lorenz, you mustn’t say such things.” 

“Why?” Lorenz gave Dedue a squeeze. “I can tell how much you like it.”

Dedue moaned. “That is precisely the reason why.”

Lorenz snickered and kissed Dedue before forging a path down Dedue’s body, trailing kisses down his torso. As he went, he paused to such a couple of dark hickeys on Dedue’s chest. “So,” he spoke when his mouth wasn’t preoccupied. “Does that mean that you still don’t want me to  _ debase _ myself by sucking your cock?” Lorenz kneeled on the floor in front of Dedue, hands caressing his thighs.

“I-I am not sure you should,” Dedue murmured. Lorenz gazed up at Dedue’s flushed expression as he trepidatiously unfastened the fly on Dedue’s trousers. Dedue’s fingers carded shakily through Lorenz’s hair as Lorenz pushed aside the fabric enough to press a kiss onto Dedue’s cock. Dedue’s eyes fluttered shut at the contact. “But,” he rumbled. “I do want you to.”

“That’s what I was hoping to hear.” Lorenz hooked his fingers into Dedue’s pants and helped him pull them off, taking a moment to marvel at Dedue’s bare thighs. “You’re so gorgeous,” he said as he trailed his hands up Dedue’s legs and took hold of his shaft. Lorenz flushed with delight at the sight of Dedue’s cock so close to his face, huge and twitching and absolutely demanding Lorenz’s attention. He kissed the tip of Dedue’s cock, trembling with excitement at the prospect of partaking in something so large. 

Suddenly, Lorenz found himself being pulled back by his hair. “Wait.” At Dedue’s voice, Lorenz panicked a bit. Was he getting cold feet about this? “This is not fair. You are still clothed.”

“Ah.” Lorenz looked down at himself. “I suppose that I am. But I am not receiving anything right now, so it doesn’t matter.”

Dedue tugged on Lorenz’s collar and Lorenz pliantly allowed him to guide him back up until they were face-to-face. Dedue’s fingers rubbed along Lorenz’s jaw as he looked at Lorenz with an intense stare. “I want to see,” Dedue said, low and ardent.

Eyes wide, Lorenz nodded and hastily moved to unbutton his shirt while Dedue worked on his pants. Between the light brushing of Dedue’s fingers against his erection and the sight of Dedue completely naked in front of him, Lorenz felt like he was being put through a special kind of torture to his self-control. As soon as he was free from his clothes, he wanted to dive right in, but Dedue held him back. Lorenz whimpered a bit as Dedue leaned back and dragged his eyes up and down his form. Lorenz was fully aware of how desperate he looked, reduced to a trembling, blushing mess, and having Dedue study him so closely like this made him feel incredibly vulgar.

“Dedue,” Lorenz said with a shudder, placing his hands on Dedue’s chest. “Can I  _ please _ suck your cock, now?”

Dedue smirked. “In a moment, Lorenz.” The words made Lorenz want to scream. He held himself as still as he could, allowing Dedue to have his godforsaken  _ moment _ . Dedue looked at Lorenz with something like reverence in his eyes, running his hands gently up and down Lorenz’s body. Lorenz could do nothing but wait, trembling, for a chance to break away from the shameful staring. He made a show of whining and pouting at Dedue, but Dedue seemed perfectly content with taking his time. Lorenz was sure that if he dug his frustrated fingers any harder into Dedue’s chest, he would draw blood.

Eventually, Lorenz couldn’t restrain himself one second longer. He pushed his way upon Dedue, straddling him once more and grinding his hips intently against Dedue’s. He grabbed hold of Dedue’s wrist and dragged his hand down to his cock. “Goddess, I don’t even care  _ how _ at this point,” Lorenz just about howled. “Just, please, touch me! I need it.”

Dedue bit his lip, sighing. “V-very well, Lorenz.” 

Dedue’s hand began to stroke Lorenz gently, slowly. It wasn’t enough. “Please, more,” Lorenz whimpered, bucking his hips into the touch. He repeated the plea like a mantra as Dedue’s pace and intensity continued to increase. All the while, he was rolling his hips back and forth atop Dedue’s cock, taking care to move across the full, tempting length with each grind.

Dedue’s unoccupied hand massaged Lorenz’s rear as they sloppily humped one another. His movements grew more rough and clumsy with each cry of Lorenz’s voice, and Lorenz was absolutely eating it up. Lorenz gasped with his whole self when he felt Dedue’s fingers straying from their home on his rear to prod curiously around his asshole. Lorenz was sure he was going to die from excitement as the sensation of Dedue’s fingers pressing against his rim just amplified how good the pumping on his cock felt. Between all of that and the heaps of prior teasing, Lorenz wasn’t sure he would be able to last much longer. Still, he found himself pleading for what he knew he couldn’t handle. “Dedue, oh, my goodness, I need you to fuck me, please,  _ please. _ ”

Dedue’s eyes were barely open. “Lorenz,” he breathed, his voice tense and shaking. “I-I would love to, but--” he cut himself off with a groan as he lifted his hips into Lorenz’s fervent grinding. Underneath, Lorenz felt a swath of heat spread against his skin as Dedue’s cum coated the both of them. At Dedue’s continued stimulation, it wasn’t long until Lorenz came, as well, adding to the pool of cum that collected on Dedue’s stomach. When Lorenz’s muscles finally relaxed, he flopped down onto Dedue’s chest, panting and shivering.

Dedue pressed a kiss to Lorenz’s temple. “That was… nice,” he murmured, his breaths disturbing Lorenz’s hair. 

Lorenz tried to quash the rush of emotions that threatened to overcome him from the tender gesture. “It was a little,” he uttered. “But, we didn’t get to do any of the things that  _ I _ wanted to do.”

A low chuckle came from Dedue, shaking the both of them. “You are right. I apologize. I couldn’t stop; you were so…” he trailed off with a pleased hum. Lorenz couldn’t help but blush. He felt more flattered by that than any other compliment he had received in his entire life.

Shaking off the earnest thoughts that plagued his head, Lorenz made an effort to keep the mood playful. “Well, it seems that you will owe me greatly next time. It is a crime that you haven’t been inside any of my orifices yet.”

“Does that mean you intend to do this again?” Dedue wrapped his arms around Lorenz, engulfing him in a warm cocoon.

“Of course,” Lorenz said. “If for no other reason than to make good on my promise to suck your cock.”

“You are very insistent on that,” Dedue mumbled, his voice hinting at sleepiness.

Lorenz tensed. He couldn’t have Dedue sleeping with him; that was far too risky. “Well, I look forward to doing it,” he said absentmindedly as he peeled himself off of Dedue’s body. “Come on, we need to wipe ourselves down before this all dries.” He frantically searched his room for a fabric that he was willing to soil before settling on an old handkerchief. As he wicked the mess from himself and Dedue, he purposefully avoided looking at Dedue’s face. He had to hold himself back from showering Dedue’s body with kisses as he hovered over Dedue’s lap. He cleared his throat and forced himself to say, “you should sleep in your own room tonight.”

He could see Dedue’s hand ball into a fist. “Yes, I understand,” Dedue said, disappointment evident in his voice. 

The two were silent as they covered themselves in enough clothes to be seen outside. Lorenz kept his eyes glued to his carpet. They exchanged a short “good night” and Dedue was gone. Lorenz leaned in the doorway and watched him walk away for a moment before returning inside, seating himself at his desk and producing a spare piece of parchment. He scrawled loosely on the page a note to himself:

> I’m not in love.  _ I’m not in love. _
> 
> I’m trying to have fun.
> 
> I don’t intend to  _ ruin _ it.

Lorenz folded the note and stuffed it into the middle of the pile of papers in his inbox, hoping that he would find it later and be able to drag himself back from making any rash decisions. He saw himself to bed after that, but as he made himself comfortable, he discovered a foreign fabric in his pillows. Cast aside and forgotten, Dedue’s scarf had been mixed up into the sheets while they were shifting around. Lorenz made a mental note to return it when he next could as he absentmindedly buried his face into it. He fell asleep like that, wreathed comfortably in the scent of Dedue as he pressed his cheek into the coarse wool.

◉◉◉

“Are you sure that this is the strongest horse you have? It looks so small; I’m concerned I might hurt it.”

Lorenz finished fastening the bridle on his steed and shot a smile to the worried Dimitri. “Worry not. I guarantee you that Oswald is perfectly capable.” He walked over to give the brown stallion a pat. “He’s seen quite a number of battles, yet remains as level as the horizon.”

Dimitri squinted at Lorenz and the horse. “I will have to take your word for it.” The king looked much smaller without his grand furs, the snug riding outfit slimming him down into a quite shapely form. In fact, everyone was looking particularly sharp in the tall boots and breeches provided. Lorenz had to stop himself from openly gawking at Dedue, whose thighs and rear seemed to want nothing more than to burst forth from their fabric prison.

Lorenz’s wandering eye was caught by the waving hand of a stable worker, who motioned him over. Glancing back to his mingling friends, Lorenz crossed over to meet the approaching man halfway. “Sir,” the man said. “Would you be okay with another party joining you on the ride?”

Lorenz cocked his head. “I may. Whoever is it who wishes to join?”

“A guest who just arrived here, actually. She wanted to know where you were, and was quite excited to hear that you were going to be out with the horses.”

The man peered to the stables and waved over this guest. Emerging from the stable, followed closely at her flank by one of Lorenz’s horses, was a familiar face that knocked the wind out of Lorenz. “Marianne!”

Lorenz dashed over and pulled Marianne into an embrace, pressing his hands to her back and holding her close. He worried that she somehow wasn’t real, like if he were to let go, she would disappear into dust. Marianne startled at the contact for a second before reciprocating with her light touch. Her scent filled Lorenz with memories, soft and inviting.

“Oh, my goodness, Marianne.” Lorenz felt tears sting the back of his eyes. “I was worried you had gone forever.”

“I was worried the war would go on forever,” Marianne said. “It’s good to see you alive, Lorenz.”

Lorenz pulled back, hands on Marianne’s shoulders. She donned a soft, blue shawl over her riding clothes that was soft against Lorenz’s fingers. “But how?” Lorenz wondered aloud, barely able to believe that the fair face in front of him wasn’t a ghost of some kind. “I only sent men out to look for you yesterday.”

Marianne’s eyebrows crinkled. “No one came to get me, Lorenz. I set out when I was sure that the fighting had settled. I came here when I heard that you were still alive, and you had become the count.”

Lorenz smiled. “I am humbled that you would seek me out of your own accord.” He took Marianne’s hand and held it to his chest, sighing deeply. “My dear, you must have been on the road for quite long. Are you certain that you wish to go on a ride so soon?”

“I would like nothing more than to enjoy the company of my dear friend,” Marianne said sweetly. “And, of course, the company of your wonderful horses. This particular fellow has taken a shine to me.” She patted the gray stallion next to her. “What is his name?”

Lorenz took the reins from her and led her and the horse slowly towards where the rest of the group was waiting. “This is Butler,” he said. “He’s quite shy, but I am not surprised that you, of all people, could warm up to him so easily.”

Lorenz’s friends perked up as they noticed his approaching. One after the other, he saw the recognition dawn on them when they saw Marianne next to him.

Marianne gasped as she, too, realized who all was there. “Lorenz,” she whispered. “You didn’t mention that the  _ king _ was here.” She bowed low as Dimitri came up. “Your majesty,” she greeted.

Dimitri seemed uninterested in formalities. He jogged up to her and lifted her in a great bear hug, beaming wide. “Marianne, I didn’t expect to see you here, of all places! It’s been so long; I was worried you had perished.”

Ignatz put a hand on her shoulder as Dimitri set her down, and she allowed him a hug, as well. “I think we all were,” he said. “I missed you during the war, but, honestly, I’m glad you didn’t have to fight.”

As soon as Marianne was free to, she sunk back into a deep bow. Lorenz hoped that the attention wasn’t stressing her out too much. She straightened up and addressed the group earnestly. “Ignatz; Dedue; Dimitri, your majesty. I hope it’s okay if I join you today. I may not be the most talkative company, but I would love to tag along.” Despite her meek words, she held herself with more certainty she had in Lorenz’s memory of her. In the warm summer glow, in fact, she looked even more alive and beautiful than Lorenz had ever seen her. It was easy for him to remember why he had been so smitten with her back when his old romance with Dedue had rather sourly concluded.

A hand landed on Lorenz’s shoulder, and he found himself being led away from his friends once more, this time by a gaggle of chittering nobles. He acquiesced and gave them an impatient look once he was pulled aside. “What is it you want from me?”

The head of the group, a woman with a tight bun who was well into her 70s, spoke up. “We are just delighted to finally be able to plan your engagement party.”

Lorenz blinked slowly, hoping that when his eyes opened he would find that the people in front of him had just been a figment of his imagination. “Huh?”

“Is that not the girl you promised you would marry if she ever turned up?”

Lorenz blinked again. “Oh, shit.” He suddenly remembered a meeting from some time ago in which he had told these exact busibodies that he planned to marry Marianne. At the time, he had simply been trying to appease their relentless meddling and begging for an answer about heirs, and he hadn’t been planning on her turning up while they still remembered the promise.

Sighing, Lorenz looked back to his friends, who were excitedly telling Marianne about all of the things that she had missed. Maybe at one time he would have been excited to marry Marianne. He had crushed on her through their school times, and she was absolutely a wonderful, beautiful person. But, something about the thought of marrying her now set Lorenz ill at ease. His gaze lingered on Dedue as he searched his thoughts for what to tell the old lady.

“I do hope your day out with her is most romantic,” one of the nobles cut into Lorenz’s thoughts. “This beautiful day is such an excellent opportunity for a romp.”

“Indeed it is,” Lorenz sighed.

“Is there anything we should ready for you two while you are out? Flowers, wine, music?”

Lorenz rubbed his temples. “If you are offering, I would not object to having a couple of bottles of wine delivered to my room. We will discuss the rest of this engagement prattle when I return.”

He took off before the nobles could say anything more, and made quick work of hoisting himself up onto his horse. “Alright, Rococo, are you ready?” The horse huffed in response. “Very good. Is everyone else prepared to take off?”

Lorenz watched as his friends mounted up, some more confidently than others. Marianne settled in like she was right at home, while Ignatz had to constantly whisper soothing words to his horse as he got on. “Missy, Missy, it’s okay, I’m just gonna hop right on. It’s alright.”

On the other hand, Dedue was having a bit of trouble getting up onto his horse. Lorenz was perfectly happy to watch Dedue’s legs as he fumbled around, but he was woken from his staring by a jab from Ignatz. “I think he needs help.”

“Ah, right!” Lorenz chuckled awkwardly and rode over to offer a hand. “Use me for balance,” he said. “Trust me, and, more importantly, trust your horse. Pablo here is a very respectful lad, but he’ll notice if you’re scared.” 

Dedue’s expression was crinkled with exasperation in a way that Lorenz found decidedly endearing. “Thanks,” Dedue muttered brusquely as he finally managed to seat himself properly on the saddle. 

“By the way,” Lorenz whispered. “You ought to cover your neck up a little bit; one of the marks I left on you is really visible.”

Dedue blushed and put a hand to his neck as Lorenz walked away smugly. “Okay, I apologize for all of the delays.” He addressed the group and motioned for them to follow him towards the trail out into the forest. “Let us ride, now.”

The group took off on the musty trail, trotting into the welcoming shade of the forest canopy. Lorenz had been looking forward to a chance to enjoy the beautiful scenery of his homeland. The forests were dense and layered, full of hills and valleys and gorgeous flora and fauna. Now that he was out in the greenery, however, Lorenz found that it all blended into a dull green, tinted by his stress. The thought of marriage had come so suddenly, and had absolutely poisoned his mood. He couldn’t even begin to think of what he was going to do about the newfound obligation.

The forest soon gave way into a wide, grassy plain that the group fanned out as they emptied into it. Lorenz glanced across the other riders and saw Dimitri and Marianne engaged in quiet, enthusiastic conversation with Dedue listening along. Lorenz made eye contact with Ignatz, who was lingering at the edge of the group. “May we talk?” he mouthed, nodding towards the lower part of the field that was away from the rest of the riders.

Ignatz gave a nod and the two of them steered to the side, where they slowed to a cantor along the tree line. “Alright,” Ignatz said when they were comfortably away from the group. “What is it?”

“Remember that time that I said I would marry Marianne to get the old biddies off of my back?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Ignatz tapped his chin. “Oh, right, I know what you’re talking about. You apologized to me afterward because you knew I had a crush on her back in the day.”

Lorenz nodded. “We did bond over that back then, did we not?”

Ignatz smirked and leaned closer to Lorenz, shifting his weight visibly to keep from falling off of his horse. “You didn’t hear it from me, but Dimitri was awfully infatuated with her back then, too.”

“Really?” Lorenz laughed at the thought. “I suppose all who love women will fall for her at some point.”

Ignatz snorted. “I guess so. The only person here who has never been in love with her is Dedue.”

Lorenz shook his head, smiling. “It really is a wonder she is as insecure as she is.”

Ignatz nodded, twisting the reins of his horse between his fingers idly. “So, why bring this up? Do you plan to propose to her?”

Lorenz shrugged his shoulders and wiggled his head in an unsure gesture. “Eh, well, almost.” He shot a worried look towards the rest of the group before guiding he and Ignatz’s horses a little further away from them. “The thing is, it appears that, unbeknownst to me, I already have.”

Ignatz’s lip curled with confusion. “What exactly does that mean?”

“The people at the meeting, it seems, have taken my words to heart,” Lorenz explained. “They’re already making arrangements for a blasted engagement party.”

Ignatz frowned, looking past Lorenz. “Oh, look at what you’re keeping me from. They’re already setting up a picnic!”

Lorenz turned to see the group settled on the peak of a hill, horses tied to the trees on the other side of the clearing. Dimitri waved at the two of them. Lorenz waved back. Lorenz turned and grabbed Ignatz’s shirt, pulling his attention back. “Ignatz, focus. I need your help. We can go picnic with them when we’re done talking.”

Ignatz sighed. “Fine. Why exactly do you need my help, anyway? Do you not want to marry Marianne? I don’t know what problem you could possibly have that wouldn’t be solved by just talking to her or, if I must guess, Dedue.”

“I don’t  _ not _ want to marry her,” Lorenz said, his head in his hands. “It’s just, you know.”

Ignatz quirked an eyebrow. “Know what?”

Lorenz pouted and gave Ignatz a pleading look, hands on his cheeks. He knew what Ignatz wanted to hear, but he wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of hearing it.

“Oh,” Ignatz crooned. “Oh, I see.” He swerved to cut off Lorenz’s horse, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re trying to say that you’re concerned about this proposal interfering with your totally not romantic, totally a great idea, arrangement with Dedue in which you only kiss each other and nothing more?”

Lorenz looked down at his hands, hunching his shoulders. “And, uh, also we have sex,” he mumbled.

Ignatz threw his hands in the air and gasped in mock surprise. “And also you have sex! Lorenz!”

“Shhhh!” Lorenz swatted at Ignatz’s arms in a weak attempt to get him to put them down. “Okay, I get it. I get it.” He sighed and glanced around to ensure that there were no eavesdroppers. “I’ll admit. I’m a little foolish. But insulting me will not change the situation. I need help.”

Ignatz cast his eyes down and shook his head. “Lorenz, I’d love to help you, but I can’t do that until you admit that you have feelings for Dedue.”

Lorenz scoffed, then rolled his eyes, then scoffed again. “Well, of course I have  _ feelings  _ for Dedue! They’re just feelings about how incredibly handsome and kissable he is!”

“Alright, I’m leaving.” Ignatz kicked his horse into a trot.

Lorenz steered to interrupt him in a maneuver mirroring the one Ignatz had just done to him. “Ignatz, please.”

“Lorenz, here’s what I want you to do. Close your eyes.” Pursing his lips, Lorenz reluctantly obeyed Ignatz’s command. “Now, I want you to think about Dedue.” Lorenz was more than happy to do such a thing. “Think about kissing Dedue, and holding him, and whatever else it is that you’ve done with him. His hands, his lips, his pretty green eyes.” Lorenz was smiling wide at the images the Ignatz put into his head. “Now, how does that make you feel? You feel happy?”

Lorenz nodded absentmindedly.

“Lorenz, it’s really obvious, you know,” Ignatz said. Lorenz blinked his eyes open and furrowed his brow at Ignatz. “Lorenz, you’re in love!”

Lorenz shushed Ignatz again. “Ignatz, I get what you’re saying, but I just don’t feel that  _ strongly. _ ” He couldn’t find it in himself to say the words that Ignatz had so surely bellowed.

Ignatz frowned. “Fine. In that case, all I really have to say it, for the goddess’s sake, just talk to them about it. Both of them.”

Lorenz pouted. “Why do I come to you just to be hazed?”

“Because I’m your best friend.”

“Right, thank you.”

The rest of the outing proceeded at the very edge of Lorenz’s consciousness. It wasn’t an unpleasant day by any means, what with the picnic and the accompanying playful glances between him and Dedue. In fact, the sum of the day’s events were quite delightful. Lorenz was just too distracted by his own thoughts to fully enjoy any of it. He found himself wishing he could have had more time to enjoy his affair with Dedue, but now, just as he had tried so hard to avoid, things had become complicated.

◉◉◉

When Lorenz returned to his bedroom for the evening, he thanked his past self when he was greeted by a pair of full wine bottles atop his desk. He brushed the accompanying roses aside and poured out a hefty glass to keep him company for the night.

Once he was settled in, a light, quiet knock at his door caught his attention. He made sure to fully push past his thoughts of Dedue before he opened it, revealing the small, blue form of Marianne. “Very sorry to bother you,” she said, polite as ever. “I’d like to talk, if that’s okay.”

“Marianne, please, come right in.” Lorenz bowed and waved her in, shutting the door quietly behind her. “I was hoping to talk with you, as well. Take a seat out on the balcony, I’ll pour you some wine, if you wish.”

Lorenz swept across the room and settled onto the balcony’s bench next to Marianne, placing a glass into her hand. “Thank you very much,” she said.

Lorenz took a breath and crossed his ankles, preparing himself to let Marianne down. “I’m sure you’ve heard from the wandering crones that we’re to be wed.” Marianne nodded. “Now, I am sure you might have noticed my lack of enthusiasm. I must apolo--”

“Do you know where Hilda is?”

“Oh.” Lorenz sank in his seat. “Oh, I see. I am so sorry. I don’t know at the moment, no.”

Marianne sighed into her glass. “It’s okay. I just can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t know if she’s alive, and…” she trailed off and sighed once more.

“I have hope that she could be.” Lorenz put a comforting arm around Marianne’s shoulders, shielding her from the chilly night breezes. “If you are patient, I might have some news about her yet. Dedue and I think that she might be in Almyra, with Claude.”

“Almyra. Hm.” Marianne took a sip of wine. Lorenz could feel the weariness that stiffened her muscles. “I hope she’s okay.”

“So, I take it you don’t much care for marrying me, either?” Lorenz cocked his head. Marianne shook her head. “I will not take it personally. Still, I do not look forward to telling my fellow nobles that I have been rejected.”

“You don’t have to.”

Lorenz raised his eyebrows. “What ever do you mean?”

Marianne spun her glass in her fingers as she spoke. “It’s convenient. For both of us.”

“But what about Hilda?”

Marianne looked up and met Lorenz’s eyes with an uncharacteristically intense gaze. “If Hilda turns up, I will be out of your hair, completely, right away. No need for excuses or rejections. You can tell everyone I’ve died in a horrible accident, for all I care. And, if she doesn’t, well.” Marianne shrugged. “I certainly don’t see a problem with being married to a dear friend, if it will help you at all with your life as count.”

“Really?” Marianne nodded. Lorenz pulled her into a half-hug. “My dear, you are incredibly kind.” He playfully clinked his glass against hers, smiling fondly. “You know, I really do love you quite a lot Marianne.”

“And I, you.” Marianne rested comfortably against Lorenz. “It’s just…”

“We’re not exactly going to provide heirs as hastily as we’re expected to, no.” The two of them chuckled. “I’m quite surprised to know that we find ourselves in such similar circumstances. Though, I am not surprised one bit to know that your heart belongs to Hilda.”

Marianne’s shoulders continued to tremble the smallest bit from her giggling. “So, who is it that you are involved with, if you don’t mind me asking?” She paused to sip and raised her eyebrows curiously at Lorenz. “Is it Ignatz?”

Lorenz coughed as he tried not to choke on his wine. “No! No, goddess, no. Ignatz  _ hates _ me.” He put a hand on Marianne’s back. “I would say we’re best friends, rather.”

“I see. If not him, then who?”

Lorenz sighed. “To be quite honest, it’s awfully difficult to say.” He ran a hand through his hair, gazing up at the smear of light that the moon produced through the clouds. “It’s not exactly the same world-ending, yearning to elope sort of romance you have with dear, sweet Hilda. I have simply been… enjoying the company of Dedue, while he is here.”

“Enjoying his company,” Marianne repeated, continuing to twirl her glass. “Is that why you have his scarf in your room?”

“My goodness, I completely forgot about that!” Lorenz set his glass aside and scampered over to his bed where the scarf still lied, crumpled upon his pillows. He picked it up and held it to his chest, breathing in the pleasant, cinnamony scent for a moment. When he turned back to the balcony, Marianne was leaning in the threshold, smiling slightly. Lorenz fumbled with his tongue as he pointed meekly at the scarf in his hand. “I, uh, intended to bring this back to him today.”

Marianne’s expression was difficult to read as she looked up at Lorenz through her bangs. “You get another day to enjoy it, then.”

“I do, indeed.” Lorenz balled up the scarf as anxiety rolled into his belly. “Now it can serve as a peace offering for when I tell him about the engagement tomorrow.”


	5. Chapter 5

“I see you’ve commandeered the kitchen this morning. Are the breakfasts not to your standards?”

Dedue looked up from the sizzling pan of onions and potatoes to see Lorenz strutting across the kitchen towards him. His distracting violet robes fluttered out in a wide arc as he hoisted himself up to sit, legs crossed, upon the countertop. Dedue wanted to be bothered by the disregard to his workspace, but he was plenty endeared to Lorenz to not want to complain at him.

“It took some persistence,” Dedue said, turning back to his work so he could shuffle the veggies around consistently. “But I convinced them to at least let me make Dimitri something.” He cut across Lorenz’s lap to grab at a bowl of peppers that were due to get to know the rest of the population of the skillet. “Do you wish to be included in this, Lorenz?”

“I do, indeed.” Lorenz kicked his dangling legs like an excited child. “You know, if you had told me you wanted to cook, I would have gladly shooed my staff out of here for you.”

Dedue quirked an eyebrow. “And raise you before midday? No, thanks.”

Lorenz scoffed. “I am being attacked quite a lot these days. Wish I knew what was causing the hostility.”

“So what are you here for? It is not just for breakfast.” Dedue could see clearly that Lorenz was antsy. Just now had been the third time in the past minute that he had changed his mind about whether he wanted his hair tucked behind his ear or not.

“You’re ever perceptive, Dedue.” Lorenz swung his legs around and crossed them the opposite way, his top most foot now pointing toward Dedue. “While I am thrilled by the prospect of enjoying your most scrumptious cooking, I did seek you out for a reason. I came to deliver this.” Lorenz reached into his jacket and produced a folded piece of teal wool. Dedue’s scarf.

“So you had it,” Dedue said, working to keep his attention balanced between his cooking and the poised purple man that posed upon the counter. “You didn’t happen to steal anything else?”

“Aside from your heart? No, I think I my hands are clean.”

Dedue shuffled uncomfortably at Lorenz’s smug look. Sure he wasn’t entirely wrong, but it still felt somewhat unwarranted. “Do not make fun of me,” he said. “And give the scarf to me after I am done. I don’t want to soil it.”

“Very well,” Lorenz, still moving with a restlessness, uncrossed his legs and unfurled the cloth. He swirled it proudly around his neck before flaring out his hair from underneath. The sight was attractive, almost enough to convince Dedue to leave his food to burn so that he could lift Lorenz and decorate him with affection. 

Lorenz continued to wring his hands as Dedue prepared the rest of his dish. It was quite a long silence as Dedue worked, frying a few eggs to accompany the vegetables. Eventually, Lorenz spoke up. “Dedue, can I talk with you about something?”

The ominous tone gave Dedue some pause. He eyed Lorenz as he scooped his cooked materials onto some plates. Before he could answer properly, he heard footsteps on the other side of the kitchen. “I hope it is something you can say in front of Dimitri,” Dedue said. “Because he’s here now.”

Lorenz made an unsure noise while Dimitri was still in the doorway. “It’s fine, I guess,” he muttered. “In fact, having a witness might be some help, just in case.”

Dedue blinked. “In case?”

“Lorenz! It’s a delight to see you.” Dimitri’s voice cut into Dedue’s worried thoughts. The king leaned over the counter, peering at Dedue’s handiwork. “Are you here for breakfast as well, Lorenz?”

“That, and the company.” Lorenz crossed behind Dedue, and Dedue leapt out of his skin when he felt Lorenz’s hand playfully pinch his rear. Was this really the appropriate time for that? He felt his face burn as he finished arranging the breakfast platters. 

Lorenz walked in front of Dedue and Dimitri as they all marched towards the dining room. “I was going to talk about the engagement when you arrived, Dimitri. Surely you’ve heard the talk of it.”

Dedue’s steps stuttered out of beat at Lorenz’s topic. He had been hearing plenty of whispers around the keep about Lorenz’s supposed plans to marry, but he had been brushing the talk off. Surely, this was going to be the moment where Lorenz explains that it was all some big misunderstanding. 

To Dedue’s absolute horror, Lorenz seemed to have no intent on denying the notion. “As you know,” he said as the breakfast progressed. “Marianne and I were quite close during our younger years, and that fact remains true now.”

“Ah, yes,” Dimitri said between overloaded mouthfuls of food. “Marianne is very lovely; you’re quite lucky to get to wed her.”

“Indeed, I am.” Lorenz folded his hands on the table and shot a look to Dedue. “But, really, this whole proposal is no big deal. Very little will be changing around here. Neither of you should be worried about this being a distraction.”

Dedue clenched his jaw. “What does that mean?”

Dimitri cocked his head, blissfully unaware of any subtext to Lorenz’s words. “Yeah, what  _ does _ that mean?” His curious voice clashed heavily with Dedue’s perturbed tone.

Lorenz put on an amiable expression. “It simply means that your visit here will continue just as it has, regardless of the new development. All of the activities that have been happening among us will continue thusly. You know, painting and what not.”

Dimitri smiled. “Well, that is nice to hear. Though, I do hope you’ll let Marianne know that she is welcome to join Ignatz and I while he is painting. We would both be delighted by her company.”

Lorenz nodded, still the picture of politeness. “I will tell her that. I’m sure she feels the same.”

“Dedue, you are always welcome, too, you know.” Dimitri’s voice was calm and happy, bumping harshly up against the turbulence that was settling into Dedue.

“I-I don’t know,” Dedue said in response to both Lorenz and Dimitri. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this was wrong. That continuing an affair with Lorenz after a proposal of marriage was announced was dreadfully immoral. Dedue had no interest in dragging innocent Marianne into the mess that was him and Lorenz. She didn’t deserve to be hurt so.

Of course, that was nothing to say about the betrayal that Dedue felt. Was that really what Dedue meant to him? So little that Lorenz could go ahead with a marriage without talking about it with him for even a few words? Dedue wanted to yell. He wanted to take Lorenz to task for letting this happen. He wanted to force Lorenz to acknowledge what Dedue meant to him, even if what he meant was nothing, just so that he could be sure. 

But Dedue couldn’t do anything. Not without ruining the lovely breakfast for everyone. He couldn’t just stay here and listen to Dimitri and Lorenz carry a chipper conversation about something that made his stomach turn. So, he just left. He hurried out, leaving behind Lorenz, Dimitri, and his breakfast. He didn’t want to eat, anyway.

“Dedue? Where are you going?” Dimitri’s concerned voice followed him out, but Dedue didn’t slow his pace until he was well outside of the dining room, outside of the building. Only when he was out in the pale morning light, confident that Lorenz had been fully left behind, did he turn to face Dimitri.

Dimitri’s hands landed promptly on Dedue’s shoulders. “Dedue, what ever is the matter? It’s been years since I’ve seen you this worked up.”

Dedue couldn’t speak. He leaned in, seeking support from Dimitri, resting his head wearily on his shoulder. He wanted to tell Dimitri everything, but he wasn’t ready to speak a word. He wasn’t ready for the discussion that would inevitably come, having to admit to Dimitri that he’d lied about his sexuality. With no hopes of using words, Dedue simply sought comfort in Dimitri’s physicality. The familiar form of the man he held so dear, at once strong and gentle, was a fleeting but effective distraction from his troubles.

“Oh, Dedue.” Dimitri’s hand fell onto Dedue’s back. Dedue was surrounded by the warmth and the nostalgic scent of Dimitri, a hazy mixture of masculine musk and sickly sweet vanilla. It unlocked emotions in Dedue that he had since forgotten. 

“Dedue,” Dimitri said, his voice soft with concern. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I can’t.” Dedue somehow felt so alone, despite being in Dimitri’s arms. “I’m sorry.”

Dimitri made a soft sound, a clicked tongue, both disappointed and consoling. “It’s okay,” Dimitri said. His hand rubbed circles on Dedue’s back. Dedue shut his eyes, blocking all out but the steady breaths of his friend and the distant chittering of birds.

Dimitri pulled back and met Dedue’s eyes with a searching, steady look. “Well,” he said. “If you can’t tell me what it is, can you at least tell me if I might be able to help?”

Dedue saw the distress in Dimitri’s expression, his blue eye wavering with worry. Guilt filled Dedue’s heart at the sight. “I am sorry,” Dedue murmured. “It is… very complicated.”

Dimitri sighed. “Alright, then.” He gave Dedue another hug, his bearded face scratching against Dedue’s neck and cheek. Dedue had to break away quickly, lest his heart spill over. He gave Dimitri a solemn nod, thanked him, and walked away.

◉◉◉

Dedue had been staring at the roses for far too long, slow and drowsy in the warmth of the greenhouse, when he heard a small voice behind him. “Ah, Dedue, is that you?”

Stefan, the expert on Duscur flora, approached, decked out in his gardening gear and a pair of green suspenders. He stomped confidently over to Dedue and offered him a thickly gloved hand. Dedue took it, rising from his seat with a stiff groan. “It is good to see you, Stefan. How are you?”

“Great, if a dash busy.” He peered over Dedue’s shoulder to look at the roses and produced a little notepad, where he scribbled some notes. “I’ve got about a dozen things to check on, and I still gotta get a soil sample from the Almyran hazelnut before three.”

Dedue nodded. Seeing the enthusiasm in the boy made him feel the slightest bit better. “I see. I’ll try to stay out of your way.”

Stefan stuffed his notebook into one of the billions of pouches along his belt and shook his head fervently. “Absolutely not! I’m in the mood for a break, and I still need to have tea with you, remember?” 

He spun around in place a couple of times, looking a little lost, before he centered himself and picked a direction to move onward in. He took off suddenly, motioning for Dedue to follow. “Tell you what,” he said over his shoulder. “Lemme get this sample real quick while I’m thinkin’ about it, then we can hang out.”

The hectic, youthful energy that directed Stefan’s actions did a surprisingly good job distracting Dedue from his worries. He needed to use his full self just to keep up. “So,” Dedue said as Stefan stooped down below a tree trunk. “What is this sample for?”

Stefan pointed above him to the looming tree. “See this beauty, here?”

Dedue craned his neck to see the wide-spanning spread of branches that flirted with the roof of the greenhouse. “It is beautiful,” he remarked, reaching to touch some of the drooping leaves.

“And, she’s huge.” Stefan rose, tucking a glass vial full of dirt into his belt. “This species isn’t supposed to get taller than 15 meters in non-native conditions, but she just keeps growing. Plan is to take her outside.”

Dedue furrowed his brow. “But this isn’t its native conditions.”

“Yep! That means the funky magic-science hybrid that we’ve been trying is working! And it’s working a little too well, here. Very exciting.” Stefan dropped off his tools and the sample with another gardener before guiding Dedue to a comfy plaza out in the shade. 

As he readied a pot of fragrant ginger tea, Stefan continued his explanation. “Hopefully, our guys can replicate the soil conditions wherever we transfer her outside, so she can keep growing without smothering the other plants.”

Dedue found the warm tea to be nearly as effective at calming his nerves as Dimitri had been. “You are very lucky, Stefan,” he said, breathing in the sharp scent. “You can pursue your talent without the stress of war on your shoulders.”

Stefan nodded. “You should really be thanking Lorenz for that one. The war left my family totally out of whack, no stability at all. Lorenz said he’d be fine providing for them if I moved in here.” He leaned back in his seat, blowing the steam from his tea away from his face. “My parents try to help out around the keep, but Lorenz said the bare minimum any of us have to do is give him advice about cultivating Duscur plants. He says he just wants to see me pursue my passion.” A pause. Stefan chuckled. “Cheesy old man.”

Dedue suppressed a laugh. “He’s the same age as me.”

Stefan raised his eyebrows. “Yes, and? Sayin’ you’re not old?” He emptied his teacup with one great gulp, and, though he tried to look confident, Dedue could see the immediate regret on his face. When Dedue started to speak, he could see Stefan try to smoothly open his mouth to get cool air onto his singed tongue.

“I don’t think I’m old,” Dedue said. He was unaccustomed to getting hazed like this. Perhaps it was a teenager thing. He didn’t know if he was supposed to be offended or amused.

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Stefan poured himself another cupful of tea and sipped this one much more carefully. “You’re just as old as Lorenz, but you’re way cooler, so it balances out. For the record, I think you’re out of his league.”

“Out of-- what?” Dedue found this conversation wildly disorienting, like he had been spun around in circles and then asked to point North.

“You’re too handsome for him.” Stefan sipped his tea, carrying the conversation with a staggering amount of confidence. “Is he, like, really good at sex or something?”

Dedue nearly choked on his tea. “You’re too young to say that.”

“Well, is he, though? I can’t imagine any other reason you’d go for that.”

Dedue’s face was red from embarrassment and coughing. “How do you even know that I, erm,  _ went _ for him?”

“I saw you two kissing, you know.” Stefan had his hands thrown up in mock exasperation.

“Hm. Okay then.” Dedue let out a breath and folded his fingers around his tea cup. “We have a history. That is why.”

Stefan rolled his eyes. “ _ History. _ You’re so old.”

Dedue shook his head. “Unfortunately, history hasn’t been enough to prevent… complications.”

“Ooh! Gossip! Fill me in.” 

“Lorenz intends to get married.”

“Oof. Take it from the tone that it’s not gonna be to you.”

The notion sent Dedue’s mind into a frenzy. It was a completely unreasonable idea, to be wed to Lorenz. Still, it made his guts twist with nervousness as if he really were discussing his own marriage. “N-No. But, he wants to keep seeing me.”

Stefan wiggled his bushy eyebrows. “Ah, a friend with benefits on the side. You two  _ must  _ be having fun together if marriage isn’t getting in the way.”

Dedue gave a morbid chuckle. “I guess it is fun.” He watched the ripples in his tea with a fond smile. 

“Well, I don’t see what the problem is, then.” Stefan folded his hands behind his head, leaning casually back. “You guys are having fun, and you can keep having fun. If you’ve got a chance to fool around like that, damn, why waste it?”

“Maybe.” Dedue sighed and put a hand to his chin, cracking his neck. “Oh. I forgot, he has my scarf.” He straightened in his seat, hand left in the space where his neck was exposed.

Stefan brandished his cup in a toasting gesture. “So you have an excuse to go see him! Have fun!”

Dedue pointed a finger at Stefan as he rose from his seat. “You need to learn to watch your tongue.” He tried to sound stern, but the grin that stayed plastered on Stefan’s dark face indicated that he wasn’t particularly intimidated.

◉◉◉

Dedue was waiting just outside when Lorenz emerged from his meeting, a bright smack of purple among the dull faces that funneled out. Lorenz was clearly surprised by his presence, jumping visibly when their eyes met. Dedue beckoned him, a pair of fingers causing Lorenz to blush and swish over. His eyes were wide as he approached, a hand on the teal scarf that he still donned.

“Wearing that around, people will assume.” Dedue put his hands on his hips.

Lorenz fiddled with the cloth, a bashful smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “Ah. Apologies, Dedue. I’d honestly forgotten it was there.” He chuckled, a light, airy sound. Dedue’s confused feelings swirled inside his stomach. “Are you still mad at me?”

“Not sure.” Dedue crossed his arms, tapping his fingers on his biceps. “Can I have my scarf?”

Lorenz rocked onto his toes and back again, a playful look dancing across his eyes. “Yeah, in a moment. Come on.”

Dedue found himself being led by his sleeve through twisting halls until Lorenz dipped into a quiet, dusty room. The walls were lined with shelves half filled with damaged tomes, and the wide, glass-topped desk that sat in the center was similarly old and lonesome looking. Light beams caught swirls of dust around a little window near the ceiling, granting a focused triangle of light near the center of the room, which made Lorenz’s pale skin glow as he walked into it.

“Lots of empty space in the keep for  _ private exchanges, _ ” Lorenz said, swirling to face Dedue. “We really ought to use the square footage more efficiently, but, in the meantime…”

Lorenz’s lips were light and flirtatious upon Dedue’s, all smirks and nips. Dedue’s first instinct was to push him back, to put the love-making off until they’ve talked and cleared the air. But he thought about his talk with Stefan, about not wasting the enjoyment right in front of him, and he decided that a little more playing around with Lorenz couldn’t possibly make things any  _ worse. _

Lorenz pulled back and uncoiled the scarf from his neck. He tossed it up and hooked it around Dedue, tugging him back into a kiss as he wrapped the two of them together with it. Dedue’s hand landed on Lorenz’s back as he softened in the warm circle of warmth that they shared. He opened his eyes a bit to see Lorenz’s eyelashes catching hold of the sliver of sunlight. Lorenz pulled away and his eyes opened, purple irises striking against an aura of gold. Dedue held tighter onto Lorenz, his emotions swallowing him like a pit.

“You’re beautiful,” Dedue murmured, his fingers ghosting across Lorenz’s jaw. His lips parted, soft and inviting at the touch.

“As are you,” Lorenz said with a loose smile, though the playfulness in his voice was contrasting with Dedue’s earnestness.

Lorenz leaned back in and kissed Dedue, and Dedue put his thoughts on the backburner as his hand found a comfortable home on the back of Lorenz’s neck, fingers mingling with the soft, short hairs back there. He was eager to prop open Lorenz’s lips and search for Lorenz’s tongue with his own, his breath growing warmer as it intermingles with Lorenz’s. Dedue’s rational mind melted completely away as he pushed forward, motivated only by the sweetness of Lorenz’s flesh.

Dedue balled Lorenz’s hair in his fingers, breathing hard as he broke the kiss for a moment. Lorenz stared, eyes half-shut, face dusted with pink. Expectant.

Dedue trailed his lips down Lorenz’s neck as he drew Lorenz towards the dusty desk. He sunk his teeth the slightest bit into Lorenz’s skin, extracting the sighs and whimpers that he so loved. He continued to explore Lorenz’s neck, feeling the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallowed against Dedue’s wandering lips. Lorenz was tense against Dedue’s touch.

Pulling away, Dedue unfastened his pants and shimmied them down just past his knees before seating himself on the desk, eyeing Lorenz. He raised his eyebrows when Lorenz hesitated. “Is this not owed?” he asked, gesturing to his standing cock.

Lorenz’s expression melted from trepidation to delight. “Why, yes, it is.” He positioned himself between Dedue’s legs, hands roaming up and down his thighs.

Dedue combed his fingers through lavender locks as Lorenz engulfed the top of his cock with his warm, wet mouth. Lorenz’s movements were quick and skillful, his lips working in tandem with his hands on Dedue’s shaft. Dedue struggled to keep himself still as heat spread through his legs. The last thing he wanted to do was choke his partner.

The restraint proved to be more difficult when Lorenz moaned softly, sending sweet vibrations down his cock. When he pulled on Lorenz’s hair, the sounds increased, pushing Dedue closer and closer to his edge. It was much too soon. He hoped that continuing to do this would build his endurance, though that did require that this continue at all, and Dedue was not eager to think about the logistics of that at all, let alone at this moment.

Groaning loud and low, Dedue yanked upwards on Lorenz’s hair. “I want to see you.” He shuddered when Lorenz pulled up a bit and pressed a kiss to the tip of his head, swirling his tongue tantalizingly. “I want to see you… while I finish. Please.”

“Alright, alright.” Lorenz rose with a smirk to meet Dedue’s eyes, pumping his full length with his hand. Dedue twitched, gripping Lorenz by his hair still as he felt himself grow ever closer. The sight of Lorenz, unkempt and smug, hair tousled and a smear of drool and precum on his chin, it made Dedue feel even more intoxicated. 

Emotions roiling in his belly, Dedue felt himself growing more desperate and murky in the head as his tightening muscles signaled his orgasm’s approach. All at once, his stirring thoughts spilled over just like his cum. “Lorenz, ah, Lorenz, I-I love yo--” he was cut off by Lorenz’s hand clamping over his mouth. All he could do was let out a strained hum of a moan through his nose as he came. Warm, sticky cum soiled both of their clothes, but Dedue was too far gone to care.

Lorenz was laughing, somewhat nervously, as Dedue came down.  _ Laughing _ . Dedue didn’t realize that this was a joke. He felt his discontent setting back in right away, only chased away momentarily by the orgasm. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Lorenz coughed to stop his laughter. Nerves were still clear in his voice. It did not sound or feel fine. “We all get emotional when we cum; it’s totally normal. In fact, I’ve cried more than a couple times after masturbating--”

“Lorenz.” Dedue was finally fully present, grabbing Lorenz’s jaw to force him to meet his eyes. “Lorenz, I love you.” He made sure his voice was as level as a honed blade. 

Lorenz’s hands fell onto Dedue’s chest. “No, you don’t.” His voice was a whisper; Dedue had to strain to hear it. 

“What?” Dedue’s hand pursued Lorenz’s face as it pulled away from him. “Lorenz, I do--”

“You don’t!” Dedue recoiled as Lorenz pushed off of him and began to pace the room, going to work on his messy shirt with his handkerchief.

Dedue straightened up and wriggled his pants back on. “What do you mean?” His voice was frustratingly quiet, like he was trying to cry out in a dream and the words wouldn’t rise above a breath.

Lorenz gave up on his attempts to fully dry himself and buttoned up his outer robe to cover the wet spot, crossing his arms. “If you had truly loved me, I would be properly courting you instead of slinking into the dark to have salacious indulgences in an attempt to satisfy my damned longing.” His voice, trembling, is a barbed skewer, hooking into Dedue’s throat and seeping stinging, salty poison into his veins. “If you had really, truly loved me, you wouldn’t have run off with Dimitri.”

“Oh.” Dedue is struggling to swallow around the twisting barb in his windpipe. Lorenz’s cheeks glimmered, the light that had once brightened his beauty now emphasising his tears.

“For goddess’s sake, Dedue, I didn’t think you were  _ capable _ of such cruelty,” Lorenz continues, breaking into sobs whenever he pauses. Dedue can only sit and watch as Lorenz circled the floor. “Five years, not one word. Not any letters. No sign you hadn’t  _ died _ trying to save Dimitri from his damned execution. And the next time I see you, fuck…” Lorenz chokes off his words with a trembling whimper, pressing his palms into his eyes.

Dedue sinks at the words, hands creaking against the glass of the desk as he keeps himself held as upright as possible. 

“The next time I see you, after five fucking years of absence. Five years of laconism after you break my heart, and you’re trying to  _ kill _ me. Just another anonymous soldier at the bridge, hiding behind a facade of metal, brandishing an axe that damn near wedged into my sternum, and it’s  _ you. _ I suppose as long as Dimitri tells you to kill a friend, you’ll just go right along and do it.”

Dedue wants to defend himself, but his words are barely coming. “Dimitri didn’t… I didn’t know--”

“Bollocks you didn’t know it was me! What other soldier was out there with a red rose on his armor? You knew. You just chose to ignore me. You chose once more, deciding that your king is just more important than I.” Lorenz tried to take in a breath, but he couldn’t fill his lungs all the way without crying more. “Perhaps… perhaps he is. Perhaps I should just be grateful that the professor made you spare me, allowed me to be imprisoned, but that does not mean I can accept you toying with me so. You ought to get your wants straight, Dedue. Decide if I’m to be part of your life or not.”

This kind of lashing out, Dedue was entirely unprepared to get it from Lorenz. The shouting and sobbing, his demands to have his feelings heard, it reminded Dedue, quite chillingly, of Dimitri. How could he have forgotten how true the damages of betrayal, of how deep the cracks ran, after seeing it so clearly in Dimitri, time and again? Perhaps his view of himself, getting better with time but still deeply objectifying, his perception of himself as nothing but a tool to be used and forgotten, had made Dedue forget that he was capable of hurting someone in this way.

Still, despite how terrible he felt, he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t move himself to help, or apologize, or comfort Lorenz. How could he? He was only capable of hurting Lorenz further at this point.

Lorenz let out another mighty sob, steadying himself with a hand against the wall. He sent one last brief, desperate look to Dedue. “Nothing to say, then?” Silence. “Fine.”

And Lorenz was gone. Dedue was left, stock still, filthy, and accompanied by naught but the dust bunnies. Eventually, they were joined by his tears. He found himself wishing that things could go back to being simple. But, no, they never were. Not since they were kids.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck it. Finishing this fic.
> 
> This chapter involves: poetry, Holst Goneril, flirting, dancing, and a resolution.  
> Also, I don't know how to write endings and it shows.   
> Enjoy!

Lorenz’s frustrated pacing was not slowed one bit by the crinkling of balled paper smashing underfoot. He searched his dark, lonely bedroom for the right words as he crumpled yet another piece of parchment and lobbed it aside. It bounced off the wall with the tiniest thud as Lorenz muttered to himself.

“Empty and hopeless, like a… like a verdant field gone sallow. No. A wound left festering too long? Too on the nose. Dammit.” Lorenz rubbed his face, trying to get out the creases of stress. When his hands pulled away, they were smudged with ink. Had the ink come from his face, or was it the other way around?

Either way, Lorenz was more than aware of how he looked in his pitiful state when he heard a visitor see herself into his room. “Er, are you in the middle of something?” When Lorenz turned to face Marianne’s voice, she was visibly staggered by the atypical mess that had taken over Lorenz’s room, as well as Lorenz himself.

“Only sorting through the tumult of my feelings,” Lorenz explained. “Come in, darling.”

Lorenz wetted a handkerchief and tried to thin out the ink atop his skin as Marianne found a seat. She idly uncrumpled one of the papers and looked over the sloppy words. “Writing poetry, huh? It’s quite beautiful.”

“It’s empty fluff,” Lorenz said, casting his eyes to the floor. “No matter how much I try, I cannot properly capture my feelings on the page. Perhaps it’s too soon.”

“I’m not sure I can imagine that’s the problem.” Marianne creased the page in her hands, a clean half-fold standing out among the mosaic of scars from Lorenz’s tempered discarding. “You should write while the feelings are fresh. I wish I could write about Hilda, but now it feels like my wounds are too old for me to say anything meaningful.”

“Nonsense.” Lorenz cupped Marianne’s cheek to pull up her downturned gaze. Her eyes were distant, like she was trying to catch the shape of something moving just beyond Lorenz’s shoulder. “Perhaps you should try to write with me.” He swiped up one of the scattered pages on his desk and flipped it a side that wasn’t sullied with his failed attempts to write, and handed Marianne a quill. “Go ahead,” he said. “Just start with something.”

Marianne scrunched her face in thought, brows furrowed. There was a sadness in her eyes as she clearly tried to invoke thoughts of Hilda, and Lorenz was shaken a bit by the sight. Would he become the same as her soon enough? He could picture himself, forlorn and resigned to the loss of love. It seemed more and more likely that that was the direction Lorenz was headed; he couldn’t think of any way that he could fill the Dedue-shaped hole in his heart.

Lorenz shook his head, clearing away the flakes of his defeatist thoughts. It had barely been a month, for goodness’s sake. He’d had nowhere near enough time to properly mourn the relationship. Sure, it had been a slow, arduous month, like he’s had to stomp through the desert after having a mighty row with the rain. But that didn’t mean that there was no chance of coming out on the other side. Eventually. Hopefully.

“You look sad,” Marianne said, looking up from the paper that she’d gotten a few scribbles of words onto. At least she was trying.

“As do you,” Lorenz observed, sinking into a chair with a heavy sigh. “How did we both end up so pathetic?”

Marianne frowned. “I’m not sure if writing sad poetry is helping much.”

“Hush.” Lorenz rested his forehead on his desk, too lethargic to sit up. “Sadness creates good art. Or, at least, it makes something.” He swiveled his head to look over the heaps of abandoned works. “I cannot say there’s a smidge of art anywhere in here. Just self-pity.”

A knock sounded on Lorenz’s door and he lurched over to see his visitor: a swath of mail. Wreaths of paperwork were stacked atop a peculiar addition to his normal deliveries that took the form of a rather large leather suitcase. Reading Lorenz’s confused look, the delivery lad explained: “Dunno. It’s something from one of your guys in Almyra.”

“Almyra?” Marianne peered over Lorenz’s shoulder. “Oh, I’m sorry to eavesdrop. Is that… could it be from Hilda?”

“It very well could be. Thank you.” Lorenz gave a nod to the delivery boy and shut the door. The normal mail was introduced to its equally useless acquaintances, where it mingled with the piles of discarded poetry on the desk. He detached the note that accompanied the suitcase and scanned it as Marianne studied the case. 

“It’s definitely hers,” Marianne mumbled, her voice tinged with a helpless timbre. “The flowers pressed in are just her taste… oh. It’s locked.”

Lorenz peered at the case. “Locked, hm?” He picked it up and studied the little golden keyhole. “You know what,” he hummed thoughtfully. “Go fetch Ignatz. He might be able to deal with this.”

Marianne didn’t bother to question him; she scurried out hastily, leaving Lorenz to read the rest of the missive from his spy. When Marianne returned with Ignatz in tow, he explained the contents. “It looks like we’ve made contact with Claude, surprisingly enough, but not Hilda yet. She was out for a mission when he arrived, and Claude insisted that he send this back to us. No details on the contents.”

Marianne thrust the case into Ignatz’s hands. “Can you do anything about this?”

Ignatz squirreled his brow. He was looking more than a little disoriented, hair tousled and green robe thrown haphazardly over bedclothes. Lorenz was impressed that he’d managed to get his glasses on in the hurry. 

When Ignatz finished sizing up the lock, he didn’t sound very hopeful. “It’s pretty small,” he said. “And, I’m sorry, but I’m out of practice.” He frowned and looked at Marianne, wincing a bit at her wide-eyed, hopeful expression. “But, I can try. Do either of you have any, erm, small hair pins?”

Marianne was quick to pull a piece from her neatly arranged hair, worrying not about the chunk of loose blue that flopped down her neck when the pin was no longer there to support it. Not wanting to be left out, Lorenz wriggled out a fine, pinkish pin that held his shorter hair back and presented it to Ignatz.

“Glad to have such fashion conscious friends,” Ignatz observed as he palmed the pins. “Come on, let’s all sit down. This is gonna take a bit of time, assuming my muscle memory is worth something.”

The trio defaulted to Lorenz’s massive bed, settling cross-legged atop it like a group of youths at a slumber party. Marianne chewed at her fingernails, knees drawn up to her chest. Lorenz put a hand on her shoulder and gave a steadying squeeze, meeting her big, worried eyes with his. 

“S-So, Ignatz.” Marianne attempted to fill the tense silence. “I didn’t know you could pick locks.”

“It’s just something I picked up during school,” Ignatz explained with the vacant intonation of someone whose attention was split two ways. “It was only rarely useful, though, and Ashe was always much better at it than I was.”

“Nonsense,” Lorenz said. “You’d make a better spy than some of my own agents. But, of course, if you were always out gathering espionage, I’d never see my best boy.”

Ignatz huffed. “Goddess forbid.”

“Ah! There are the claws.” Lorenz pointed at Ignatz and shot a look to Marianne. “You see? I told you he got mean!” Lorenz’s words managed to pull a tiny giggle out of Marianne, though her tension was still evident.

A click sounded, catching everyone’s attention. In Ignatz’s lap, the case had popped open a couple inches. “Huh. Look at that,” Ignatz said. “I actually got it. Here, Marianne, this isn’t for me to snoop in.”

Marianne took the case with shaky hands and swung the top open. Inside, piled on a lining of pinkish velvet, was a heap of envelopes, all sealed with pretty wax, all reading Marianne’s name. Uncertain, Marianne pried open one of the letters. Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as she read the contents. She hurriedly tossed it aside and grabbed another from the pile, intently reading it as Lorenz gingerly picked up the discarded paper next to his lap. He tried to resist the urge to dive right into something so personal, but seeing Marianne clap her hand over her mouth as she read made him far too curious. He turned over the paper in his lap and read the scratchy handwriting within.

> _ Marianne, I miss you more everyday. _
> 
> _ It’s warm and pretty here in Almyra. I think you’d like it. You always glowed in the sun. _
> 
> _ \--Hilda _

The quiet in the room was chased away as Marianne began to sob. She hunched over, clutching a page to her chest, her whole body shaking. It was truly dreadful to watch as Marianne was fully seized by her crying, her voice cracking with grief. It was hardly abnormal to see Marianne sad, but she usually carried her emotions with a certain solemn grace, even during her youth. Seeing her like this, face smeared with tears, blubbering desperately, it made Lorenz feel like the floor had dropped out from underneath him. 

Lorenz drew Marianne into the best hug he could muster, passing a hand up and down her heaving back. Over her shoulder, he met Ignatz’s stunned gaze and passed him the page he’d had. Understanding slackened Ignatz’s face as he read it. “Are they all…?”

“I’m fairly sure, yes.” Lorenz tightened his embrace of Marianne. “Oh, Marianne,” he cooed. “Hilda really loves you dearly, doesn’t she?”

Marianne’s hands balled into fists, gripping tight to Lorenz’s robes. “Why is she so  _ far away _ ?”

“I know, I’m so sorry.” Lorenz sighed and tucked Marianne’s head under his chin. “From here, it’s like Almyra is on the other side of the world… wait.” An idea wormed its way into Lorenz’s head. “The wedding…”

“I don’t want to think about that,” said Marianne pitifully.

“No, no. Not  _ our _ wedding. I wouldn’t dare invoke that now.” Lorenz straightened up and drew Marianne back by her shoulders so he could meet her face. “I’m due to make an appearance at a wedding this month. A relative, something like a third cousin or some such. It’s a rather important union. The reception is being held at Fodlan’s Locket.”

Marianne watched Lorenz’s frantic rambling with puffy eyes. “Really? The fortress?”

“Yes, well, it’s actually quite beautiful there during the summer.”

Ignatz jabbed Lorenz in the side. “Why are we talking about this?”

“ _ Well. _ ” Lorenz turned up his nose. “Aside from the fact that you ought to be interested in my affairs, I think this might be an opportunity. We’ll be perched upon the border to Almyra. What better chance to get Marianne to her love?”

Marianne’s eyes brightened. “You mean…?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I bring my favorite knight and my fiancee to a wedding? We would need hardly more than a distraction and a carriage to sneak you out. Are you up for it?”

Marianne welled over with tears once more as she nodded. “Yes, yes, of course. Thank you  _ so  _ much, Lorenz.”

◉◉◉

Everything was going to go smoothly. Lorenz had set up a cabriolet to discreetly escort Marianne across the border as soon as she made it out of the party, he’d double and triple checked the escape route through the keep to ensure that it was only lightly staffed, and all of the party guests seemed perfectly absorbed in their own happenings, enough to let a little blue lady slip right under their noses. As far as Lorenz could tell, he’d accounted for everything, and the winds were blowing in the right direction for this voyage. Why then, was he sweating like a sinner in a cathedral? 

Maybe it was a creeping fear that all of the nobles he mingled with knew that he was hiding something, or maybe it was the setting summer sunbeams heating the ballroom through the windows. Whatever it was, the heat under Lorenz’s prim collar was endlessly frustrating. This was his domain. He prided himself on his skill when navigating the intricate web of manners and formalities that came with large gatherings of nobles like this. To be so stressed about such a setting was unprecedented. As Lorenz tried to survey the crowded ballroom, the moving forms of dapper guests seemed to swirl around him like a hurricane. Or was that just the dancing?

“You okay?” Ignatz grabbed Lorenz’s sleeve and shook him a bit. This was the fourth time this evening that Ignatz had posed that very question, and it would be the fourth time that Lorenz lied in his answer.  _ I’m perfectly fine, thank you--  _

His thoughts stopped short when he caught sight of a large form that was attracting the clusters of nobles like nails to a magnet. A navy blue suit, a ribboned ponytail of pale blonde. It was Dimitri. Surely that wouldn’t mean…

Lorenz let out a relieved breath when he saw that Dimitri’s plus-one was a much smaller person than he, all orange and smiles. If he’d brought Annette, then there would be no worry about  _ anyone else _ showing up. That was, until Lorenz realized that he, himself, had brought both his knight and his fiancee. 

“No, no I’m not okay,” Lorenz whispered to Ignatz, champagne flute glinting in his trembling hand. “In fact, I’m quite bad. I think  _ Dedue _ might be here.”

Lorenz pointed towards Dimitri as subtly as he could and turned away while Ignatz looked. In his distress, he searched for comfort in the strawberry at the bottom of his glass, and the champaign that came with it. Now, at least, his inside felt as warm as his outside.

Ignatz put a hand back on Lorenz’s arm as Lorenz hastily switched his empty glass for a full one off of a passing butler’s tray. “Damn, you’re right,” Ignatz said. “Don’t look now, but I do see him.”

Lorenz spun around to look, ignoring the clicking tongue of Ignatz as he did so. Across the room, pulling in Lorenz’s gaze like a black hole, Dedue was leaning over to whisper something to Dimitri. Lorenz absentmindedly sipped at his champagne as he took in the sight of Dedue all decked out in formalwear. His long, sweeping turquoise coat made him look even taller, and a vermillion pop of a floral ascot drew the eye up to his face, dark and striking. Lorenz felt the world spin ever faster around him.

Lorenz felt a pinch at his side. He turned, expecting Ignatz, but was greeted with Marianne’s face instead, unusually stern. “Lorenz, please don’t get too distracted; this is important.” She tugged at her shawl, stress evident on her face. “You have a job to do.”

“Ah, but the cab is already prepared, my dear. At this point, my job is simply to act like everything is normal.” Lorenz smiled and popped a boozy strawberry into his mouth. “Is it not normal for me to admire beauty?”

Marianne crossed her arms. Though the circumstances were not how he’d imagined back in the day, it was nice to see his old friend donning a grand gown, dripping with jewels. The outfit had been a point of quite the argument between them earlier; Marianne had wanted to be dressed at least somewhat practically for her escape, but Lorenz absolutely refused to let her dress down for the occasion. Sure, it had been somewhat a result of his pride, but he also knew that it would draw more attention for Lorenz to  _ not _ be showing off his brilliantly dressed fiancee at this event. 

“I suppose I ought to be admiring you, though,” Lorenz cooed, taking Marianne’s hand. “Come, give me a spin. You look lovely.” He dipped and theatrically kissed her hand. “I’m honored to have the chance to be your betrothed, if even for a short time,” he said quietly. 

Marianne relaxed a little bit. “It has been fun, I’ll admit. I missed you, Lorenz.”

“As did I, you. And I will once more.” Lorenz put a hand to her cheek. “Do be sure to write me once it’s been long enough for my mourning to be over.”

“Of course.” Marianne smiled, but her brow was still worried.

“Drinks for the happy couple?” A voice squirmed its way into the pair’s hushed conversation. Lorenz looked up to see a man just above his height, with broad shoulders and slicked, pink hair, brandishing a pair of champagne flutes.

“Holst Goneril!” Lorenz moved to take the glass, swapping it with his emptied one. “Pleasure to see you. It’s been far too long since we last met.”

Holst rolled his broad shoulders. “Unfortunate how our schedules just don’t line up. I’ve worried on occasion that you might be avoiding me.” He pointed the other glass at Marianne, who politely declined, but he insisted and pushed the stem into her hand.

“I promise you that is not the case,” Lorenz said. He felt himself slipping into a more comfortable stance as he sipped the newly refilled drink. “I’ve tried to make plans to visit, but I’ve so many things keeping me chained to home.”

Holst chuckled. “Funny, I can never seem to find time to be at home.”

Lorenz hummed and fingered curiously at the carnation on Holst’s lapel. It was hardly as striking as Lorenz’s own red rose, but he respected the commitment that the Goneril clan seemed to have to the blushy color. “It’s impressive how, despite our similar origins, our worlds are so wildly different. The many shades of nobility, I suppose.”

“Ah, you said it. Glad I can find so much work to do around that doesn’t involve making decisions behind a desk. You know me; I’m much too rough and tumble for that.” Holst laughed, a bass voice that carried far and could be felt in Lorenz’s bones. Lorenz found himself warm in the chest as he giggled along.

“What fine work you do, too,” Lorenz chimed, drawing a hand over to rest upon Holst’s arm. “I can tell it’s keeping you in shape.” He gave the arm a hearty squeeze, fuelled by the alcohol that sloshed in his system.

Holst’s face matched the pink of his carnation. “Lorenz, it’s awfully bold of you to act like this in front of your fiancee.” He cleared his throat, but a bashful smile was clearly threatening to pull on his lips.

“Oh, she doesn’t mind,” Lorenz said. “Do you, Marianne?”

Marianne seemed on the verge of bubbling over with laughter. “No, not at all.”

“Well, if you insist.” Holst shuffled awkwardly until his eyes caught something past Lorenz. “Ah! Ignatz, I knew you were here. Come, come, we’re having a great time.”

As Holst waved over the boy, Lorenz made quick work of the rest of his drink, strawberry and all. Ignatz dipped a bow to Holst as he entered the group, and quirked an eyebrow at Lorenz’s hand. “Good to see you’re having fun,” he said. “Guess I shouldn’t have worried about you. Or, maybe I should worry in a different way.”

“Hush,” said Lorenz, sliding over to rest a hand quite possessively on Holst’s back. Ignatz made a face like one of the champagne strawberries had gone down the wrong way.

“It’s great to see the Golden Deer all gathered once more,” Holst declared. “Though, we are definitely missing a few. At least you all are still pals.”

“Pals, indeed,” said Marianne, clearly enjoying the distraction from her stress. 

Holst raise his eyebrows at Marianne’s gesturing hand, which still held a full glass. “Marianne, you haven’t had a sip of your drink. You really ought to have more fun.”

Lorenz put a hand in the air. “I’ll have it if you don’t want it,” he bubbled.

“Absolutely not,” Ignatz intercut. He took the glass from Marianne’s hand, and she thanked him quietly. 

Holst could be felt straightening up against Lorenz’s hand. “Wait a minute, are you…?” He pointed at Marianne.

“No, no, she’s not,” Lorenz swooped in to rescue Marianne, who looked like she’d been suckerpunched. “She just has, erm, a lot of important work to see to in the morning. Honestly, Holst, quite offensive of you to suggest such a thing. We aren’t married yet.”

“I apologize, but, uh, to be fair…” Holst trailed off and shot a look at Lorenz.

“ _ Please, _ Holst. I only sleep with  _ other people _ while I’m engaged.” As he giggled, Lorenz mentally chided himself for his crude demeanor. The alcohol was pulling the words out of his mouth faster than he could think about them. 

Shuffling sounded around them as the strings started up a chipper waltz. Couples sorted themselves out around the newlyweds, dancing the familiar steps. Lorenz felt the dance floor calling to him.

“Care for a dance, darling?” Lorenz cooed at Holst, leaning far too close to the man. He wasn’t quite drunk enough to cross the gap and kiss him, but the idea was tempting, indeed. Through his fuzzy thoughts, Lorenz found himself wondering if Dedue could see him. He smirked as he thought of it.

The sly smile was mirrored in Holst’s expression. “I think,” he murmured. “You oughta dance with your fiancee, first.”

Lorenz put his hands dramatically to his chest and leaned back as if taking a blow. “Oof. Okay, you’re right.” As he pulled away, he shot a wink, and smirked more at Holst’s grin. It had been too long since he’d had a chance for a good flirt. “I won’t forget to dance with  _ you _ , though. You keep your lovely, rosy-lipped self ready for that.” 

Lorenz strode off, leading Marianne to the spinning masses in the center of the ballroom. The two swept up into a waltz, and Lorenz had almost forgotten about the troubling plans for the afternoon when he saw the nervous look in Marianne’s eyes. He kept their gazes locked together as they swirled around, hoping to make her feel more steady.

“I hope you aren’t mad at me for having a little fun,” Lorenz said. “It is a party, regardless of how it ends.”

“It’s okay,” Marianne sighed, leaning in to prop her chin upon Lorenz’s shoulder. “I’m just nervous, is all. I should probably get going soon.”

Lorenz smoothed a hand down her back. “Yes, soon. After this dance, perhaps?”

“I think so.” Marianne’s fingers were gripping Lorenz’s robes tightly.

“So we shall. Tell you what, we’ll pass around a few partners, I’ll keep everyone enthralled with my beautiful dancing, and you’ll disappear into the sunset. Sound good?”

Marianne gave a nod and pulled away when a hand landed on her shoulder. She dipped low and took the hand of Dimitri, who made awkward eye contact with Lorenz as he guided her away. Lorenz hazarded a wave, then picked his way through the crowd so that he could get that promised dance with Holst. 

“Good to see you,” Holst teased as Lorenz took the lead. “I’m surprised by your tenacity, I’ll admit. Last I saw you, you were confident the women were the only option for you.”

Lorenz chuckled. “Well, we all changed quite a bit later in that school year. Hilda was sure she was going to end up with a man back then.”

Though the light melody of the orchestra continued on, Holst’s feet slowed to a different tempo. His face pulled into a frown. “Hilda…” he hummed. “Wish I’d gotten to see her again.”

Lorenz felt stung by the pain in Holst’s face. Before he could think, his mouth was rushing ahead of him, his instincts clearly intent on moving to comfort Holst. “She’s in Almyra, you know.”

Holst stopped dead. A couple who was still dancing scoffed at them as they maneuvered to pass by. “What do you mean? She’s alive?”

Panic rose in Lorenz’s throat. He pulled away, clenching his hands into fists, eyes glued to his feet. “I… uh. You should go talk to Marianne about it. She can explain everything.” He kept his gaze down as he heard his lovely distraction step intently away into the crowd. At least it had been fun while it lasted.

Lorenz felt a tap on his shoulder and jumped out of his skin when he turned to see Dedue, hand offered in a silent request for a dance. Lorenz opened and closed his mouth a few times, but couldn’t find any words to give as he gave into his instinct and took Dedue’s hand. At this point, the afternoon was too unreal for him to care, basked in the hazy glow of the setting sun and copious amounts of alcohol.

Lorenz’s steps were instinctive and practiced, his muscle memory carrying him gracefully despite his drunkenness. He couldn’t bring up his eyes to meet Dedue’s, so he stared straight forward and focused on the unfamiliar shift in his shoulders that came with being led in dance by someone taller than him. Eventually, Lorenz found his voice enough to mutter a few words, “I didn’t think you would be here.”

“Dimitri was invited, and he wanted to bring me.” Dedue’s voice was low, as if every word that came from his mouth was a sinful secret meant only for Lorenz. “I see you’re back on the market now, despite your pending marriage.” A smidge of resentment was bubbling beneath his words.

“I’m allowed to have fun, am I not?” Lorenz found himself suddenly speaking far too loud, amplified by offense and alcohol. “Or am I expected to mourn you evermore?”

Dedue’s fingers dug slightly into Lorenz’s waist, and Lorenz felt a morbid sense of pride at the response. “You don’t need to make a scene,” Dedue snapped, still quite quiet.

Lorenz could feel eyes landing upon him, but he cared not. “A  _ scene _ ,” he scoffed. “You’re making quite the scene just by dressing in such a way.” Still too loud, still too confident, Lorenz reached down to grab Dedue’s rear.

Lorenz stumbled over himself and landed right on his bottom when Dedue shrugged him off, his feet tangled by the champagne. If everyone wasn’t looking at them before, they were now. Gasps sounded around the room, accompanied by a chorus of questions sent to and fro. “You have a lot of nerve,” Dedue said, looming over Lorenz.

“Oh, please.” Lorenz clambered to get up, blushing with shame and rage. “You’re the one who asked to dance.”

“I had been hoping to talk with you,” Dedue explained, clearly exasperated. “I guess that isn’t happening, though.”

Dedue turned to walk away, and Lorenz lurched to grab his shoulder. “No, go ahead.  _ Talk. _ If you’ve something to say, I want to hear it.”

Dedue clicked his tongue and turned to face Lorenz, taking hold of his hand with a surprisingly gentle grasp. It was almost more upsetting to Lorenz than if he had just yelled at him. “Obviously, I shouldn’t have expected to be anything more to you than a confused fling,” Dedue said, his voice level, though hints of revulsion were present. “I guess I was just another bedmate for you, outside of your  _ obligations. _ I didn’t want to think that, but, after today…”

Lorenz felt gutted. He’d been hoping for Dedue to get a little jealous at his flirting, but this wasn’t the extent that he’d wanted. “Dedue, please, that’s not how we were!” Lorenz felt a sting against his eyelids as tears came forth. He wouldn’t have been able to have this conversation without crying if he were sober, so there was no hope of looking dignified in this scenario.

“That’s what  _ I _ thought, but you denied it.” Dedue’s lip curled as he spoke. “That’s just how you are. You’re a sad, pathetic harlot.”

Lorenz bundled Dedue’s ascot in his fist, fuming with offended anger. “How  _ dare  _ you,” he snarled. He blinked through his tears to finally look Dedue in the eye, shaking to the bone with emotion. He couldn’t handle any of this: the staring eyes, the tears, the anger, the desperate desire to just give up and kiss Dedue until they both felt better. He felt the same way he had before Dedue had left before, world crashing around him and no one to grab hold of.

But Dedue was here, and he was here right now, and he was warm against Lorenz’s hand, and Lorenz just wanted this whole fight to be over with so that he could try again. 

A sound made Lorenz jump. Clearing his throat, the black-coated groom was looking sternly at the two of them. Lorenz hadn’t noticed the orchestra stopping, or the small gathering of armored guards that had collected. Lorenz balked. “I’m being thrown out, aren’t I?” 

“ _ Both _ of you are.”

◉◉◉

“Really great job on making a scene, Lorenz.” Ignatz’s hand was on Lorenz’s back, soothing him as he mourned his standing with the other nobles. “Marianne managed to get out just fine.”

“Well, that’s a relief, if nothing else.” Lorenz sighed and sipped gingerly from the glass of water that Ignatz had snuck out for him. The pair sat on the steps abreast the fortress, basking in the last fingers of the sunset that painted the sky a burnt brownish color. It would be a while before the planned ride home would come to retrieve them, so all they could do was sit and wait. Well-dressed folks flitted in and out of the party, many giving Lorenz queer looks as they passed. 

As the remaining sunlight was replaced by lamplight, Lorenz shrugged off his jacket and balled it up in his lap before letting down his carefully coiffed hair and tossing his head back. “No point in looking any good at this point,” he mumbled. “I’ve already made enough of a fool of myself to lose my nobility altogether.”

“Your nobility, your reputation, your fiancee. Lost a lot today.” Ignatz snickered when Lorenz glared at him.

“Not to mention any chances of bedding  _ anyone _ tonight. Goddess knows Holst would rather pretend he doesn’t know who I am after all that.” Lorenz rolled his eyes.

“Actually, he didn’t see most of it.” Ignatz pushed up his glasses, which danced with reflections of orange firelight from the lanterns. “He left with Marianne.”

“What?”

Ignatz put his hands in the air. “When she told him what was going on, he decided he wanted to see Hilda, too. Headed out in the carriage with her.”

“Goodness, I didn’t even have to pay to get an excellent bodyguard for her, then. She’ll be just fine out there with him.” Lorenz let out a long breath, relieved to know that something had gone well tonight, and relieved to know that one of his drunken outbursts might have actually been to everyone’s benefit.

“Sorry you couldn’t have gotten with him,” Ignatz consolled, patting Lorenz on the back. “He would’ve been a catch. But, hey, I see an even bigger catch coming this way right now. Don’t look, tough.”

Lorenz looked. He twisted around to see Dedue, silhouetted and imposing, making his way down the steps to Lorenz and Ignatz. Lorenz could hear Ignatz chiding him for being so obvious, but his mind was making a point about shutting out everything that wasn’t Dedue. Tall, handsome Dedue, dressed in finery and looking like the tastiest snack Lorenz had ever seen.

It took some intense needling from Ignatz to get Lorenz’s attention pulled to him. “You want me to go?” he asked. Lorenz nodded, and Ignatz gave him a final hearty pat on the back as he rose from the steps. “Alright, then. I’m gonna go talk to Dimitri. See how he feels about all this.” Ignatz climbed up the steps back into the party, nodding at Dedue as he passed. “Don’t come to blows, you two,” he called over his shoulder.

Lorenz watched with a twisting anxiety in his belly as Dedue seated himself next to him on the steps. He wanted to stay silent for as long as possible, believing that breaking the silence would require him to be dragged back into the reality where he and Dedue could never be together. After a few awkward sighs and tuts, however, Lorenz knew he had to say something, lest the situation become unbearable.

“I’m so--”

“I’m sorry.”

The two of them spoke up at the same time, cutting one another off. Lorenz chewed his lip and waited a beat. Dedue put a hand out. “You go.”

“I’m sorry for getting you kicked out.” Lorenz leaned forward and tucked his fingers under his legs, folding in on himself. 

“Lorenz, do you think that is my biggest concern right now?” Disappointment was evident in Dedue’s voice. Lorenz was too tired and still too drunk to think of the right words. He kept his eyes glued to the warping streaks of light in his water. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, then,” Lorenz said, his voice tense. “I’m sorry for pushing you away, and, and, fuck.” Once more, tears were taking over Lorenz’s face. He was sure whatever makeup he’d applied for this event had more than melted clean off at this point. “And I’m sorry for flirting with Holst, and I’m sorry for not telling you I loved you when we were together.” Lorenz pressed his face into his folded coat, trying to block out the world with the fabric. 

“It’s hard to talk to you when you’re like this,” Dedue said. Lorenz felt a big hand upon his shoulder, and the contact only made him sob harder.

“Maybe you shouldn’t even try,” Lorenz wept into his jacket.

“What, talking to you?”

“No.” Lorenz peeled his face up out of his coat and managed to look Dedue in his eyes. Those deep, green, tender eyes that Lorenz couldn’t stand to see pained. “I mean, like, this whole thing. I was thinking about trying again, but, Goddess, even if you wanted that, I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

Dedue folded his hands in his lap, guarded. “Well, I don’t have any desire to meddle in the life of a married man, no.”

Lorenz scoffed, though it was more of a sniffle as he tried to clear his face of stale tears. “Engaged,” he corrected. “Though, I’m not even engaged anymore at this point.”

“What?” Dedue stiffened and moved as if to get up. “You mean she…? Though, I suppose, you were hitting on a man right in front of her.”

Lorenz’s sniffling melted into chuckling. He glanced around to ensure the lack of eavesdropping ears and tugged on Dedue’s sleeve to draw him closer. “She left, just a little while ago, to go be with her true love. I helped her. I promise, there is no animosity.”

Dedue’s features scrunched in confusion as he settled back down. “That is about the second most absurd thing you’ve ever told me, right after ‘it will be simple this time’.”

Lorenz found himself curling around Dedue’s arm unthinkingly. “Well, unlike that particular absurdity, this one is completely true. You wouldn’t believe what she’s gone through to get to Hilda. There was everything. Drama, romance, distant lands, a suitcase full of love letters, and her story isn’t even  _ over _ yet. I’m quite jealous.”

“Jealous?” Dedue chuckled softly, sending sweet shakes through Lorenz’s bones. “Are you saying you want to run away and abandon your nobility for love?”

At this point, Lorenz’s head was resting fully on Dedue’s shoulder. “Ehh, okay, maybe not that part. The love letter part, however, is high, high romance.”

“Are you suggesting that I write you some?”

Lorenz felt the world drop away from underneath him, leaving him hovering precariously over a yawning pit. “Erm, well, if either of us is going to write love letters, it’s far more likely to be me. If you’re offering, however.” Lorenz held onto Dedue’s arm for dear life. “One more try, then?”

Dedue’s arms curled around Lorenz, and Lorenz finally felt himself relaxing. “Do you have one more try in you?”

“I must. I’ve wronged you by stringing you along in some dead-end relationship like I have.” Lorenz pulled back and fixed his gaze on Dedue’s, his hands on either cheek. “This time, Dedue, I’ll pull out all of the stops. I will court you, and give you roses, and flaunt you like you’re my greatest accessory. Hell, I’ll propose to you, here and now, if you want me to. Though, I’d prefer it to be a much grander affair than on a dirty staircase after being kicked out of a wedding.”

“Slow down, Lorenz.” Dedue put a hand to Lorenz’s chest. “I don’t need anything like that. Just a promise of commitment.”

“I promise,” Lorenz just about sobbed. “Dedue, I’m so sorry I didn’t just commit to you before. I’ve loved you for more than a thousand eternities, and I just couldn’t admit it to myself. I’m so sorry.”

Dedue drew Lorenz into a hug, burying Lorenz’s face in his chest. “You’re very dramatic. It’s okay. I’ll admit my shortcomings in leaving you for Dimitri all those years ago. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, I forgive you, Dedue.” Lorenz pulled up to plant a kiss on Dedue’s cheek. “One more try, then?”

“One more try.”

Lorenz felt all of his stress fluttering away as he kissed Dedue, grasping his collar like it was the last thing keeping him tethered to the Earth. The resolution Lorenz had been longing so badly was finally within his grasp, finally pressing against his lips, finally sticking his hot, thick tongue down Lorenz’s throat. And, goodness, he wanted something else of Dedue’s to be stuck into him…

“Oh, thank the Goddess, it worked.”

Lorenz groaned openly when he and Dedue were intruded upon. Ignatz scampered excitedly down the steps, Dimitri and Annette in tow behind him. It was fully dark by now, but, even in the low lamplight, the smiles on their faces were more than evident. 

Ignatz ruffled Lorenz’s hair when he reached him. Lorenz gritted his teeth. “I told you guys,” Ignatz said, sounding more than a little chuffed. “Leaving ‘em alone to sort things out was all we had to do. Now they’re back to being all over each other.”

“Looks like it,” Dimitri observed. “I’m glad that’s over with.”

Lorenz tensed and looked back to Dedue with wide eyes. “Wait, you told him, right? This would be a rather terrible way to come out.”

“He knows,” Dedue sighed. Lorenz felt pleased to see that Dedue shared his uncomfortable tension.

“He, erm, had a rather intense talk with me about it on the way home,” Dimitri explained, flopping down on the stone next to them. “He told me all about what the two of you had gone through.”

Annette leaned over and propped her chin up on Dimitri’s head. “Yeah, it’s no wonder you guys were just sucking face so hard. Lots of unresolved tension.”

“Annette!” Dimitri was smiling, despite his offended tone.

“She’s right,” chimed Ignatz. “Did I mention how they almost boned right outside my door that one time?”

As the group carried on laughing at he and Dedue’s ventures, Lorenz tried his best to hide himself away in Dedue’s chest. What a relief it was to not have any more secrets to hide from his friends, but that didn’t make the ridicule sting any less. Eventually, Lorenz felt the need to pipe up against the chortling. 

“Must we be present for all of the bullying, or may we excuse ourselves?”

Annette made a face. “Oh, no, are you guys gonna go have at each other in the bushes or something?”

“Oh, Goddess’s sake, let them,” said Ignatz, his brows worried. “If they don’t, they’ll be fondling each other really obviously the whole way home.”

Lorenz cocked his head, but Dedue was the one to voice his confusion. “What do you mean? We are not going the same way.”

Ignatz elbowed Dimitri in the side, and Dimitri hunched his shoulders. “Yes, yes, I’ll tell them. Dedue, you’re taking a vacation.”

Annette nodded. “We think you need one more than anyone else. And, of course, Lorenz, you’ll need a knight, since Ignatz is coming back with  _ us _ .”

Lorenz pouted at Ignatz. “You’re leaving me?”

“Just for a bit!” Ignatz chuckled and adjusted his glasses. “They really liked my work with Dimitri, so I’ll be doing another portrait or two in Fhirdiad.”

“Sylvain really wants one,” Annette added with a bright laugh.

“If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to,” Dimitri shuffled his fingers in his lap as he spoke to Lorenz. “But Ignatz was pretty keen on it, so we made plans while you two were making up.”

Lorenz sighed and shut his eyes for a moment, shooting a rare thanks to the Goddess for letting everything here work out so smoothly. “Well, if it’s what Ignatz wants, I won’t hold him back, as long as he returns eventually. Besides.” Lorenz latched himself to Dedue’s arm and fluttered his eyelashes. “I don’t mind having some of Dedue to myself. I need some destressing after ruining my reputation so thoroughly.”

“ _ Destressing, _ ” Ignatz huffed and snickered. “That’s a funny way to say ‘taking it up the ass,’ Lorenz.”

“Hush!”


End file.
